Hi everyone
I haven’t been on any forums for quite a few months now but I feel like I need to now!
My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer almost exactly 12 months ago. It was a real shock, within the space of 3 weeks he went from being a fit, active and healthy builder to being seriously ill and I thought we would lose him.
Thankfully he was able to get himself well enough to have surgery in September (Whipple’s I think it was called) and then well enough from the surgery to have 6 months chemo which he finished in May.
He was doing so well, got through chemo like the hero he is, got his appetite back, starting going out for walks and looking ahead to the future. A few weeks ago he started to feel unwell again - constipation, uncomfortable tummy and no appetite. He’s spoken to the GP a few times who hasn’t really done a lot other than say they will let the oncology team know. He had a scheduled CT scan a few weeks ago and was due to see the oncologist in about 3 weeks time. Today he had a call to say that the appointment has been moved forward and they would like to see him tomorrow.
I’ve spoken to the specialist nurse and she said that there were some changes on his scan and the oncologist wants to discuss options with him.
I know all we can do is wait and see what they say but I’m so frightened that they will say the cancer is back / they didn’t get it all despite thinking they had following surgery. It’s his 65th birthday in just over a week and I’m so scared he won’t make it any further than that.
I honestly think if they tell him all they can do is keep him comfortable he will give up and I just don’t know what I can do or how I can help!
One of the worst things is that we live 400 miles apart in different countries of the UK so I can’t even be there with him. I speak to him every day but the last time I saw him was following his surgery when he was in the high dependency unit - I had to return home to work.
I am so frightened that I won’t be able to help him. I keep it together when I talk to him and tell him I’m sure the oncologist just wants to see him so she can say he’s cancer free but I can just feel it that he’s not! (I haven’t told him that the specialist nurse told me there are changes on the scan as he will just worry even more). I know it’s not the way to deal with things but I just keep a lid on how I’m feeling and just say he’ll be fine or there’s nothing I can do but inside my heart is breaking. I’m a mental heath nurse so I feel like I should be able to cope with and express my own emotions as well as helping dad to process his!
I do have an older sibling but I am the main person who dad turns to, I have been at all of his appointments and I speak to him every day so I do feel that it’s very much me who should be helping him - he is much more open with me and talks about how he is feeling.
thank you for letting me put in writing how I am feeling (not that I actually know how I am feeling but it helps to write it down!)
thank you x
