Dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

Hi Emma,

I had to reply when I read this, I am 34 turning 35 in February -

I work for Children’s community services , 

My mum was also diagnosed recently and she is terminal , watching her deteriorate is horrific.

She is starting chemo so we can get more time with her and she can fight.

I’m so proud of my mum, she is incredibly brave and selfless. She often will say to me - I’m not worried about you Charlotte because you will survive however I know she is worried about my brothers .

i show her I’m strong but in reality I wish I could say I’m F scared, I want my mum to survive and I want her with me until I’m old. I want to be able to ring her day or night and get her to answer, take her to a spa or a girls holiday. 

We are taking each day as a success - we went to McDonald’s drive through and a morning of out . We managed a shop and McDonald’s and my mum was tired but that was ok, because we had those moments - I will be grateful for for the rest of my life. 

im also off work because I’m just not coping - I’m also at university training to be a social worker ! 

i wish i could tell you how to get through this but I can’t. I can’t tell you how to stop the tears or to not feel angry at the world because that’s exactly how I am! 

I am grateful my children aged 14,13 and 7 all know my mum and have had wonderful experiences with her- that is something no one can take from us, she has been an incredible grandmother and I only hope when it’s my turn to be a grandmother I am only as half as good as her and those kids would be lucky!

Take each day as it comes and asorb as much as you can with your Dad that’s what I’m doing with my mum, do not worry about work! I know that my mum needs me and this is my time with my mum and the same applies to you with your Dad xxx 

I am so sorry you’re going through this . Know your not alone and please send my regards to your father.

Hi Emma, 

So sorry to hear your news Emma.

my husband was a response driver in the met, He fought this cancer for 10 months all the way, 

Like most will say you can only take it day by day, Has your dad’s tumour been graded yet? What stage have they caught it at? 
have you been able to speak to family members like your mum. 

My experience with my husbands cancer was to try and stay positive but if I gave the cancer 1/2 an inch I would have suffered so bad with my mental health, we also had three children to look after and care for so it was a mindset for me anyway. 

hapoy to chat if you want to contact me 

higs

Chrissie

Hey Emma, 

You’re not alone. Let’s cry together. It’s all so so horrible. Dates are all so similar. Would you mind me asking how he is? 

Hello Emma, How are you?

your story is similar to mine. My Dad is 88 and was diagnosed with PC a month ago. He isn’t having any treatment due to his age and has been in hospital due to his sugars being all over the place. He was diabetic 2 for 30 years but is now on the last two weeks become 1 and on insulin. His jaundice has been awful and he had a stent last week. Just want to know how long we have with him. It’s breaking my heart and I am staying with my Mum while he is in hospital as she is registered blind.

Hi there, unfortunately he passed 4 weeks ago after battling for 4 months. Heartbroken isn't even the word I can use! 

I am so so sorry. I truly feel your sadness and pain xxx

Hi Emma, I'm not the best unfortunately, we lost dad about 4 weeks ago. He passed in Bury Hospice and they gave him the best care right until the end. 

Its just been so hard to get to grips with the timeframe! Awwwh bless your dad! It's just awful isn't it, you feel helpless because there is nothing we can do to help apart from be there and let them know we're there for them. 

I've been struggling a lot with the loss of my dad as he was only 65 and prior to his diagnosis was extremely fit.

I hope you and your mum are taking it easy and just looking after each other the best you can and I send my love to you all! 

Thank you so much. It’s horrific, every morning I wake I remember. 
I know at 88 he’s had a great life but I see him in the hospital bed and I know he’s getting weaker and more vunerable. 

Were you told a timeframe? Xx

Hi Emma, So sorry you are having all this difficult stuff going on at once. Life can be so overwhelming at times.

I lost Dad a year ago, while going through a terrible legal battle related to whostleblowing and often I didn't know which way to turn, and really resented the work stuff taking my attention away from where I felt it should be, with Dad. I lived 250 miles away from Dad, which made it v difficult too, but I called and spoke to him every day, and I was able to be his cancer buddy, ringing the cancer helpline for advice etc on his behalf, and ringing the palliative team when I felt he needed more help etc. Feeling I was being a bit useful kind of helped, as well as helping him navigate the computer to find good programs to watch, or audio books to listen to, as it helped him.to have a distraction. Of course I also visited as much as I could to make more new memories, and like you, Dad was my best friend.

I found the cancer nurse helpline really helpful, and they were happy to support me when I was feeling wobbly, as well as to help me find the info I wanted for Dad. And the other thing I did, which I never would have thought of if a friend hadn't suggested it, was to get counselling from the local cancer support centre. I had gone in there to get some info for Dad, and they pressed on me the fact the they were there to support not just the cancer sufferer, but also their family. The help I had to go through the grief was really amazing and I am in a much more accepting frame of mind as a result. I miss Dad awfully of course, bit am able to focus on how lucky I have been to have such a great relationship with a wonderful person for the years I've had it.

So good luck with your journey, and with nurturing your new little person. Your Dad must be delighted that there is a new person on the way, and that, in that sense, his own story will continue.

Sending you lots of love. This is all a horrible journey that is very difficult to process. Time I hope will be a healer for you and no one can take away our memories xxx