No chemo etc

I admire that you have made a definite decision on what to do in your situation, and will be praying for you that you get through it with the support you need - laxatives and any other medication and help at home etc. 

For your wife, I wonder whether there is a cancer support centre near you? Although I went there to get information for my Dad, I found it incredibly helpful, as it was somewhere I could take my concerns about him, and be signposted to get the help I needed. They even offered me counselling (I was supporting my Dad with his terminal cancer), and I can't recommend the counselling too highly. I didn't think I should be eligible, and would never have thought of it myself, but the centre insisted that I was, and it was amazing to have someone to talk things through as I went through the bereavement. There is the Macmillan helpline as well, which I found useful at times when I wasn't sure about things to do with Dad's treatment.

In terms of the practical things, I have found that if you tell an organisation that you can't do online, and just don't engage with them in that way, they will usually be able to offer an alternative method, so I hope your wife will be able to advocate for herself with them. My Mum, who hasn't embraced technology at all, has enrolled in a computer class, and has made great progress with her phone and computer skills, so there will be ways and means for your wife to adapt.

I hope you can cry when you need to, get help when you need it, and share your days with the people you love - there will be good days and bad days, and I hope you can make the most of the precious moments to make some new memories.

Wishing you and your wife the very best. 

Hi Newboys 

My name is Dylan and I’m part of the Online Community team here at Macmillan. Thank you for taking the time to share some of what you have been going through. I am sorry to see that they aren't able to operate on the tumour.

I am glad you have found our Community. Macmillan and the Online Community are here for you and your wife during this difficult time. It’s really clear how much you care about your wife and want to make sure she’s supported.

 holden  has given some great advice, particularly around support for your wife and some practical next steps. If you want to see what support is available locally, you can make use of the Cancer Care Map. 

If you feel up to it, you might also find it helpful to join and post in the Living with incurable cancer forum, where more members in a similar situation may see your message and share their experiences.

Have you been able to tell your medical team about the constipation? We would highly recommend reaching out to inform them of this. 

In addition, you can speak to one our cancer information specialists for free (in the UK) on 0808 808 00 00. Our Support Team is available 8 am to 8 pm, seven days a week. Please note that the opening times may vary by service. You can also chat online with our specialists or send an email during the opening hours.

If you need any help with the site or if you have any questions, please fee free to email our team on community@macmillan.org.uk.