Hello ladies, I’m Maria 45 years old, I got diagnosed in 2021. In june of this year I’ve learnt again that my cancer came back for the 3rd time, on the 2nd of sept. I will start again a chemo treatment 3weeks on and 1 week off for the rest of my life I am feeling so fed up now. Physically I am very strong not in pain I wonder going for treatment is wort it knowing the chemo is only prolonging my life. Is anyone here has similar diagnosis as me? Incurable.? I am really drained and feeling so sad and fed up. I been putting my brave face every chemo I already done that I am coping well with the side effects, reality I am so tired. And now here I go again and this time the chemo is for lifetime. I have mention to my kids that I don’t want to go for a treatment anymore but my kids ask me just to try couple of cycle and if I don’t like the side effects I will stop.
Hi Maria. I am so sorry to hear about this place that you are in and can understand how you must be feeling at the end of your resilience bucket. It is relatively easy to undertake an activity or treatment programme when we see a clearly defined end point but to be told that this is forever (or as long as your life lasts) can be hard to manage.
I also understand the perspective of your children, they want you around as long as possible (that is positive ! 
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The only things that I can think of to support you is to contact your local NHS Talking Therapies service to request counselling; also to speak with your MacMillan nurse. Speaking with someone outside of your family, where you can be totally honest may be helpful. Finally; you mention being strong so far. Well done for that however, now may be the time to allow yourself to be supported rather than resilient. It is ok to be frustrated, sad, angry, pissed off (sorry moderators!). Life is unfair and some people are dealt and unfair hand. That injustice is hard to come to terms with. Think about what you need (physically and emotionally) in order ti be supported through this period and speak with your family, friends and health professionals about how that can be provided.
I wish you the very best.
Jackie
