Hi

Hello Kat22

I am sorry to see that you have had a diagnosis of ovarian cancer and needed treatments. It's not an easy thing to go through.

I finished treatment September last year and I think it is normal to feel a range of emotions. Going through a cancer diagnosis and the following treatment takes up so much time and effort both mentally and physically. I have found that sometimes people just think once the treatment has ended, you just bounce back and everything goes back to normal. I haven't found that to be the case. 

Last year for me was a bit of a whirlwind and you can get so caught up in the day to day struggles that you barely have time to stop and think or process just what you have gone through. People say to me that I am strong and well done for beating it. But I don't feel that way, I underwent all the treatment they suggested to me but it wasn't really a choice and I don't think I will ever feel like I have "beaten" it- I coped the best I could with the support of those around me. 

I have 3 monthly check ups that are a constant reminder that I had cancer and that they are checking me to see if he comes back. I also have some ongoing issues that were caused by the cancer treatments. I manage these the best I can and I would rather have these than than the alternative. 

There is no need to apologise for not posting anything more chirpy- that is why we are here. There is no right or wrong way to feel after going through all this. I have always felt it's best to go with the flow, let your feelings out and if needed reach out to others for support.

I sometimes wonder if it is a bit like mourning a loss, the loss of what life was before cancer and the acceptance that there have been changes to your life that are out of our control. 

It's tough at times but well done for reaching out and expressing how you feel. I was on the forum for a while before I had the confidence to post anything. I find writing things down sometimes helps.

Jane

Hi

sorry your having a tough day but don’t worry about not being  chirpy, chances are if you were you’d be off doing something nice and that’s what we all want for each other, I think this is for when we are feeling low and it’s hard for our loved ones to totally understand where you can go in your head with this disease.

I find it really hard sometimes when I’m told to be strong, or be positive, geez, if that’s all it took to survive this disease I’m sure it would kill millions less people!!!!

So on my sad and low days I go to the beach. Somehow it just seems to soothe my soul and without realising  how or when it happened I feel a bit better. I also do face packs and pampery things. 

You’re a veteran with this so you know the rollercoaster, let the feeling just come and go and know that despite everything you will have a better day soon. I truely miss wine on these occasions, lol

Sending lots of positive vibes and hoping you feel perkier soon

x

I was told we go through a grieving process  we grieve for the person we were pre cancer and we have to learn to like n  love the person we have become, with what cancer has left us with, 

I was in quite a dark place earlier this year, but coming out the other side now, I've just come back from Cyprus and looking for another holiday for oct/Nov time, I don't do much in the way of socialising so I save my money for holiday 

We're all different but try to focus on things u enjoy

Take care Pam

Hello Kat22 - like the others have said, no need to apologise at all.   I am newly diagnosed and still very much getting my head around things.   It all happens so quickly and I didn't get a chance to stop and breathe - radical surgery and then chemo.   My head is often all over the place and I have good days where I am feeling really positive and then those other days......I think to get a diagnosis of cancer is very traumatising - it was for me and that can take as long as it takes to get over (mentally I mean).    Warmest of hugs are sent your way Kat - this is a great forum for support.  x

Hi Pam

So how did the holiday go and how are you feeling with everything now? X

Cyprus was fab thanks

Had picc line in yesterday, not sure if it's going to be a good idea, but hopefully it settles after a few more days, chemo tmora, 

Not feeling to bad but I'm gaining weight at a rapid rate and don't really know why, I'm at my heaviest that I've ever been, any normal person loses weight. This is very depressing but will try and sort it out

How's things with you

Pam xx

Ah so glad you had a good time

Have had a bit of a wobbly time but calming down a bit now. Ca125 still rising but first day of stopping meds in the hope I will feel better for my holiday which is only three weeks away now.

I am really overweight too and often say I must be the only person who gets fatter with cancer, so maybe it’s not always the case you loose loads of weight. I put it down to not doing anywhere near the running about and standing all day that I used to do. Not gonna be a pretty sight in my bather on holiday but hey ho least of my problems really, lol.

Hope the pic line settles down and chemo goes ok tomoro xx

You will be surprised the sights u see whilst you're away lol

Go and enjoy it try to forget what you have to face when you get back, you may react badly to the sun after taking parps, so be careful.

Hope all goes well

Pam xx

Hi jane2511. Thank you for your reply. I felt a warmth when I read it.  I also looked at the timeline of your journey.  It's very similar to mine - the treatment,  sepsis, transfusion, ongoing issues.  I understand your 'beaten' comment too.  Yes, we have beaten it but it's in the back of your mind 'when will it rear its ugly head again'.  Its difficult because any little symptom I get I wonder if its down to the cancer, the medication or would I have got this symptom anyway?  I tend to then just have a word with myself and then get on with things as something else could bite us in the meantime so it's not worth dwelling.   It's interesting you referred to the cancer as 'he'.  Anyway, thank you again.  I feel better today, like you said go with the flow and I do generally as the worst thing to do is suppress your feelings. I'm glad I found the courage to post x

Hi Diney, thank you so much. I felt a comfort reading what you wrote to me.  I have talked like I've never talked before since being diagnosed.  My daughters are my rock but at the same time I don't want to burden them (they would be so annoyed with me for saying that) but they are suffering too in all this. I cared for my Dad when he had cancer so I have been on both sides. Its so hard for everyone.  Anyway, thank you for the tips. I live just near the beach and so do go there often. I have little beauty treats and consume quite a few treats!  As for the roller-coaster, you aren't joking.  I've never known so many dips!  I have always absolutely loved Ronan's roller-coaster song too and sang it sometimes like no one is listening but never thought it would take on this meaning :-). I feel lighter today.  I had a night out on Saturday and really wanted to let my hair down but then someone turned up that reminded me of my cancer/treatment. I think that's what made me feel a little down. I just thought 'blooming heck, there's no getting away from this' x