Hi everyone!

Hi All,

I turned 41 this year and was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer stage IA. For about 6 months prior to surgery I felt strangely tired, with a pressure in my lower abdomen, and constant need to pee. I was also losing weight and felt inappetent. I thought it was just work related stress, and didn't give it a second thought until one day I woke up with a horrible pain in my abdomen, I couldn't stand up, walk, and called my GP that came to visit me at home. Then I was referred to a gynaecologist that found a 8cm mass in my ovary and soon after to an oncologist. Three weeks later I had surgery to remove one ovary in Feb and have been in remission ever since. Doctors are optimistic the cancer might never re-occur again as luckily it was spotted at a very early stage in a non aggressive form, and that keeps me positive about the journey ahead but I still feel there is a lot of uncertainty in my life and things I can't control. I feel very anxious about my quarterly check-ups, and while friends and family keep me upbeat, and tell me how lucky i was, I still can't completely trust that I am healthy again. 

Since my diagnosis I've started to think really hard about my life, and what I can control, and what I can do to make it as happy and fulfilling as I can. I wasn't satisfied with my job prior to the diagnosis, so I did a a short master degree to gain the skills I needed to find a more fulfilling role, and I was recently offered a job in a company that focuses on sustainable investments, that I am very excited to start. I walked the Santiago pilgrimage route and that gave me a lot of time to meditate and think about the experience I had, and met a lot of new friends, during the journey I am very grateful for. 

I feel very blessed that I managed to get an early diagnosis and treatment, and I am trying my best to make sure this experience brings joy and new perspective on my life but I still feel anxious about check-ups, that one day it might come back, and it's hard because I don't want to overwhelm my partner, relatives, friends with my fears so often keep these thoughts to myself. I sometimes feel like everyone wants me to get on with my life and not dwell too much on what happened while I still feel like this is very raw and completely changed the perception I had of myself and what life would look like in ways that are difficult to explain. 

I feel like I was given a second chance to live my life, and want to make the most of it, and this has given me the courage to explore things I always wanted to do but lacked the courage to, but I still feel a bit overwhelmed by the experience and sometimes mourn my previous life when (I know it sounds ridiculous...) I felt like nothing bad would ever happen, and that I would be in good health until I got old (like my parents).