Feel like I should be celebrating, but...

Hi   and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community but sorry that you needed to find us but glad to hear you've finished your treatment. I noticed you've not had an answer just yet, but I'm sure someone will be along soon. 

Although I had a different type of cancer, any cancer diagnosis brings many questions, lots of confusion and stress but talking with other people who are on the same type of journey will help you navigate this rollercoaster.

I can truly empathise with you about your marriage situation. I've been veering between calling it a day and staying for years. Due to lockdown I had to attend all scans, consultations alone. When he collected me after my hysterectomy I was in tears on the journey home as all he did was moan about having to wait until I could be discharged as had to wait for prescriptions to be filled. He must be one of the few hubby's who didn't cuddle me when I was told about my diagnosis and reassure me everything would be ok.

The Community is organised into dedicated support groups so can I see you have joined our supportive Cervical cancer group, this will be a good place to connect with others navigating the same type of cancer journey. 

When you have a minute, it would be great if you could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time. 

It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

Sending you welcoming hugs Bx

Hello Again

I'm so sorry  - I wrote you've joined the Cervical cancer group whereas you have joined the Ovarian cancer group. I apologise for my mistake.

Bx

Dear paddlingswan, so sorry to read about your situation, I was lucky in that I have a supportive husband so can’t imagine how you are keeping it together for your children.  I was given ned status in November and due my 3 monthly scan on Thursday, I am very edgy and dreading what it will show so I can understand your fears.  We all get this feeling at scan time , I developed a small hernia which showed on my January scan and am sure its got worse, so worried about that as well .  I am due back at work on Wednesday , first time since February 2020  due to treatment and lockdown, I work in John Lewis and am worried if I can stand up all day! I am just doing 3 hours at first but like you my body aches.  Just remember you have all of us on here to support as best we can , there is always someone here 

take care and I send you virtual hugs and love

xxx

Thank you so much for your reply, and especially for sharing your personal situation. I am so sorry you are going through a similar thing. It's so hard.

The decision to divorce (after almost 20 years of marriage) happened just before my diagnosis. He refused to take me to hospital for my second operation, and sent me a legal letter the day before, setting tight deadlines for agreeing what he wanted in the house. I have caved on so many things, and he is doing very well out of the divorce, financially. But I had to get out. My children are teenagers, and I hope they will understand at some point that I am mostly doing this for them - to show that the way he treats me is not normal and not ok. All of this makes me sound way more together and decisive than I really am at the moment. The truth is that I am totally exhausted - physically and emotionally - but light is finally at the end of the tunnel, I think.

It took me 20 years to get to this point, so I have every sympathy with you, in deciding what to do.  He has certainly made it extremely difficult - I am routinely told not to "play [my] cancer card". What a charmer...

How lovely of you to reply, thanks Janet. It helps to hear from others who have been through similar things. I am still at the 'every ache / twinge / pain is cancer' stage. I hope that improves soon. My next appointment with my consultant, in about 2 weeks, is my last (apart from the scan in June), and I must admit I am anxious about not being under further review as well. I don't have a cancer nurse specialist because my second operation was done at a private hospital that didn't offer that service at the time. My GP and surgeon are v good, but it's not like you can ring them up and talk through your concerns every 5 minutes ! I suspect this online forum will help.

All the best for your scan, and for work on Weds. I had to take some work calls today and to be honest, it felt good to have my brain back in gear for a bit. I hope it will be good to see work colleagues (if not the customers!) when you go back.

Thanks again, much appreciated.