I’m so afraid.

Hi there  . I so understand how you feel and could cry for you. The not knowing and the waiting for results and answers is totally one of the worst experiences to go through. The fear itself just makes all symtoms and anxieties worse too. From experience I would say to you to just know that whatever is diagnosed there will be treatment. It is good things are happening quickly for you and so will any treatment once scan results known. I also, like you, find it hard when everyone says 'it will all be Ok'. I know everyone thinks that is the right thing to say though. 

You will get through this wait, although, each day may feel like a week to you. I can't give you advice on how to though as nothing worked for me. Lol. People would say 'read a book' or 'do a jigsaw'. However can either of those happen when we have no ability to function properly or focus. Haha.

Anyway, i guess what i really want to reassure you with is that your feelings and anxieties are so normal my lovely. Also if treatment is needed that will be well planned and discussed every step of the way. You will have so much support. Do not ponder on some press articles about some treatment not happening due to Covid.  That has totally not happened to me at all. If scans are new to you then also be reassured that a CT is perfectly Ok and not at all unpleasant. If MRi is needed then we are in the lucky situation of where they are checking that we can go in feet first which makes even the MRI not too bad at all. 

Hope you are currently fast asleep. Best wishes to you. X

Marie

Hi,

It’s 4am now and, as I had chemo yesterday and the steroids keep me awake, I came across your message and thought I would reply (in case you happen to be wide awake too).

Everyone in this group I’m sure understands 100% how you are feeling - Suddenly out of nowhere this thing comes along and crashes into your life, and there are hospital appointments, scans and blood tests all happening so fast.

It’s early days yet, so please try to stay positive if you can. A raised CA125 can indicate a number of things other than cancer, and the mass you have could be something much less scary. Either way though, the speed at which your medical team take action and agree a plan for next steps with you will be crucial to either putting your mind at rest or getting you on your journey to recovery.

Meanwhile, your family will also be in shock about what is happening to you, and feeling very helpless at this stage. It’s good that you love them for their positivity and can hopefully get strength from them being there for you.

If though, you feel you need to get the “what ifs” out of your system, I found it helped writing them down (just to keep for yourself if you want to), or maybe call the Macmillan’s helpline for a chat with someone who’s not impacted in the same way as your family.

I really hope things go well for you, and it would be great to hear from you again when you feel ready to share.  

Be thinking of you,

Bx

Hi B.positive. I too had chemo with steroids yesterday  hence I too am wide awake and feel so energetic. Such bizarre cycles isn't it? I usually plummet Sunday afternoon for 3 days. Just written list of all jobs I beed to do tomorrow and Saturday before me batteries go. Lol

Hi again B.positive It looks like our replies to  have more or less been sent at the same time. Hopefully we have been able to pass.on some peace of mind. There is nothing in your profile tthat  can see. Where are you in your treatment process? 

Hi Marie,

How strange that we’re both on here in the early hours (let’s hope at least that Piratebelle is getting some sleep) - lol.

My cycle is a little different to most I think - I’m having the Paclitaxol dose weekly and the Carboplatin every 3rd week. I’ve only just completed the first 3-week cycle, so early days yet.

With the meds though I find I don’t sleep much Thursday to Saturday - then on Sunday night OK again.

A bit like you, I find myself on here, or writing “to do” lists, or doing my home-delivery shopping lists !! .

Hope you manage to fit in an afternoon nap later,

Bx

Hi Piratebelle,

You've had some great advice from B.Positive and Marie. I just wanted to offer my support too. I was diagnosed aged 40 in 2012 and I’ve been cancer-free since finishing chemo in April 2013. I remember having all the fears that you’re going through now- the waiting is absolutely horrible and it’s really hard when family are telling you it’s probably fine. 
It helps to think of it like a journey- not one that you want to be on- but one you have to go through to get to the bottom of the pain. We know when something doesn’t feel right, and I promise you’ll feel better when you have answers. 
So, try not to think too far ahead and don’t Google because you’ll scare yourself even more. Treatments are improving all the time so there’s more hope than ever, but just take it one day at a time. There is always someone on here to talk to so please let us know how you get on. 
B.Positive and Marie- it is hard to sleep after the steroids- I used to take the odd sleeping tablet to get me back into a good routine because everything is better when you’ve slept! I recommend Zolpidem- even half a tiny tablet does the trick. Best wishes to both of you with your treatment. 
Natalie xx

Thanks Natalie. I was also recommended Nytol and have just invested in some on the on-line shopping list I was putting together at 4am !

Best wishes,

Bxx

Hi there

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer two years ago and it rocked my world. But try your hardest - dig deep and trust the doctors they know what they are doing. You are certainly not over-reacting at all. I am at present cancer free. So there is always hope. Never forget that. You're taking the first steps of support by being on this forum and reaching out. Also there are other support networks out there to help such as the The Support Line Tel: 0808 808 0000 You can talk to someone there about how you are feeling. If you want to talk to someone else who isn't a family member or friends.

Hope this helps

Take care

E 

Hi All,

Thank you for your replies I have read them all a number of times since I posted you all brought me so much comfort. 

The last 72 hours have been horrific and I’m still reeling from it all. I went for the planned ultrasound on Tuesday at 11am and was told my stomach was full of fluid so they couldn’t see much, even the internal is only picked up my uterus. I was sent up to the gynae clinic where I was prodded and poked and asked 100 questions I’ve answered before where they sent me for bloods and an ECG to try and work out why I’m full of fluid. 

I finally returned home at 2.30pm. I got a call from the gynae consultant telling me to go back straight to the ward as one of my blood tests showed that I may have a blood clot on my lung. 

I spent a night in hospital, I had a chest X-ray, a full CT scan and a nuclear lung scan. No blood clot was found (thankfully) but the CT picked up a large cyst on my left ovary. The gynae consultant spoke to me and has told me they are concerned about nodules and striation around the cyst and it’s on the paperwork as abnormal. 

They sent me home yesterday evening, saying to expect a call from gynae in the next few days. 

My head is reeling, on the one hand I’m not in limbo anymore on the other I’m so afraid of what’s to come. 

I’ve noticed I spend about 80% of my time in denial, pretending nothing is happening and the other 20% of the time in a blind panic convinced the worst is going to happen to me at 35 years old. 

I’m sorry for the word dump, I really needed to get everything down on the page and you ladies were so helpful when I was scared last time. 

thank you so much 

Oh Piratebelle, I’m so sorry to hear all that’s been happening since your last post - but glad at least that you have found the responses from this group some comfort.

Although it must be incredibly hard not having the answers yet despite all the tests you’ve been through, please keep faith that your medical team are acting quickly and will undoubtedly come up with a plan for you whatever the diagnosis.

Unfortunately I, and many others in this group I’m sure, can absolutely relate to that roller coaster ride between the ups of denial and the downs of worst case scenario, and I hope your ride on that rollercoaster will end when you finally get some answers. Meanwhile, don’t be hard on yourself for being in whichever mindset most helps you to get through.

Take care, and hope you feel up to sharing your journey again with this group,

Bxx