Hi All,
My therapist has suggested that joining groups like this may help me with the mental side of healing from what has happened to me. I will attempt to make the history part as short as possible. Almost 5 years ago I got my first tumour and had 1 ovary removed (it was borderline). Then Jan 2020 a new one appeared on remaining ovary, due to how envasive surgery is (I enjoy using my ab muscles), and because I couldn't go through anymore scares and have been having abnormal smears, I opted for a full Hysterectomy. I have only just turned 31, I am single and I have no children. I am struggling to cope with 'selling myself' ( as I like to put it, not actually selling myself but trying to find a man). Thanks to covid online dating is the only way at present, but I look at these photos of people, see in their profile they have selected they want children and I find myself having to swipe left because I do not want to be the person to take away their want for children, or make them chose, father your own child or be with me. Now I know there is adoption, but lets not beat about the bush, it is not the same as when that little person is something you made. Now before all this I was never sure whether or not I wanted children, but would definitely have them if my partner wanted them. However, since having that chance taken from me, I feel lost. I felt most lost this Christmas, the magic of Christmas lives in children, I love Christmas.. I wil fight anyone who says Santa isn't real.. haha.. but it hit me while making gingerbread, I won't ever make a mini me.. a little person who will love Christmas as much as I do, a person who takes after me with hereditary personality not nurture personality.
So my questions to all you lovely people is how do you cope? How do you tell yourself that you will find someone to be with despite being broken physically and mentally? How do you deal with those situations where you cry in to baked goods that do not require salt in the recipe? I know that I am still very much at the beginning of my journey and time is a healer, but right now I cannot see this ever going away. I cannot see myself seeing myself as anything but broken.
