Hi! I’m Yoli
hopefully this won’t be super long. In November of last year I started with a lot of abdominal pain and I couldn’t walk or breathe of how painful it was. Turns out that I had a 30cm by 12cm cyst attached to my right ovary. A few weeks later a had a laparotomy and they removed my right ovary and tube. By that moment I didn’t receive an specific answer about if it was cancer or it wasn’t, everything was a maybe. 6 weeks after my surgery I had to have another one because it was stage 1 of ovarian cancer. I chose the surgery instead of chemo. A few weeks later I had the great news that I’m cancer free, now I just have to do check ups every 4 months. To be honest I feel like everything happen so fast than then everything hit me like a truck. I wasn’t prepared for what happens after emotionally and mentally. I spent weeks crying every single day. Sometimes I still cry randomly and I don’t know why, I cry every time I take a shower and it makes me feel very guilty because I feel like a should be so happy, but then I feel bad that I’m happy when others are going through worse cases. Does this makes sense? I get flashbacks and I get so anxious before a check up because I’m scared that the cancer comes back. I started to struggle with anxiety and that never happened to me before and I get frustrated because I don’t know how to handle it. Some days I feel great and like it’s in the past, sometimes I feel like I can’t talk about it anymore, sometimes I want to forget. Sometimes I feel like I didn’t suffer enough so I shouldn’t be crying (I’m crying now) is it normal to feel all this things? I hope this makes sense and that it’s not insensitive.
lots of love, Yoli
Hi , welcome to the online community
That's great news that you're cancer free.
There's no right or wrong way to feel when you've had a cancer diagnosis and most of us will recognise that worry about the cancer recurring. Have a look at this from Macmillan on worrying about cancer recurring as it gives plenty of hints and tips to help you cope with the worry.
I've had check-ups every 3 months after I was diagnosed with melanoma 4 years ago and I still feel slightly apprehensive when I'm sitting outside the consultant's office waiting to be seen. However, for me, this has got easier over time and hopefully it'll be the same for you.
Struggling with anxiety can affect you even after you've been through your treatment and you're cancer free. Have a look at this about managing anxiety and if you feel your anxiety is getting worse then speak to your CNS or GP so that they can find ways to help you cope with it.
You might like to join the life after cancer group to chat to others about, amongst other things, the emotional after effects of cancer and trying to move on with your life. A lot of people in that group say that this article After the Treatment Finishes - Then What? was really useful in helping them move forward. I have to confess that I haven't read it yet but perhaps I'll do that this evening.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
