Hi I've just joined and struggling with how my dad is coping. He was diagnosed in July last year, had a few months of chemo and was stable. The last scan has shown it's spread but as everything because of covid 19 is phone consultations we don't really know what has been said. He just seems to have given up. At the start of sheilding he didn't seem too bad but now he either sleeps or just sits in the chair. It's hard to have a conversation with him he's not interested. He seemed to be thinking of what he's missing and his thoughts are overpowering everything. My son is getting married in November and they expecting a baby in august. He was so excited at first but after being told his cancer has spread he seems so lost. I have no idea how to help him and feel so useless. The system has messed him about for years and everyone just seems to have cast him aside and given up on him. He's always been the level headed one. And nothing got to him. I'd like to hear from others and see what advice there is.
Hi and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to hear that your dad is struggling and it's natural that you want to try and do everything possible to help. It can be a challenge at the best of time supporting someone with cancer but it's doubly difficult at the moment with coronavirus meaning that he's shielding.
I can't provide you with any experiences of supporting someone who has cancer, as I was the one with cancer, but if you click on this link you could have a look at the information Macmillan has produced on getting help with your emotions when you have cancer.
I'm not sure from what you've written if you are your dad's carer but, if so, have you discussed your worries about your dad with his GP or hospital team?
You've said that because his consultations are by telephone it's difficult to know what's being said to him so next time he has a phone consultation could you put the phone, with your dad's permission, on speakerphone so that you can hear what's being said as well? This might help you to understand what's happening and also gives you a chance, again with your dad's permission, to ask his consultant any questions you might have.
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your dad's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
