Mums mealanoma

I have no advice, I'm afraid, but want to send Best wishes to your dear mum, and to say what a grand son/daughter you are 

Thank you, it’s hard trying to be strong, but we will fight anything thrown at us.xx

Hi Ilcag16, Like Saltmarsh I dont think I can give advice but I can relay to you my experiences.

I'm the Mum with Melanoma, and I have 2 daughters aged 32 and nearly 34. I'm as open as I can be with them we discuss the worst and the best scenarios as they know I will feel low and imagine the worst, and then I have to get my head into positive and theirs to move forward, the other alternative is to give up. 

they say its often worse for family and friends than the patient you have the added dimension of considering life without Mum where as I feel I will just stop. I still have a worry list though that my illness affects my daughters and husbands lives and may affect them living the best lige they could have had. Im currently watching "This is Us" on Prime and it has a similar trend but she has early onset dementia rather than cancer. The dynamic between Mum and offspring is complicated and as I'm 63 I had to turn from taking more of a lead when my Mum was ill ( she has now passed), but haven't reached that age with my own diagnosis and daughters, we discuss as equals but its my final say. 

My team if I wanted would allow questions from you and are very busy but never to busy to appreciate the whole family. I am further along than your Mum as my diagnosis was in 2015 but we are all different in response to treatment and how we deal emotionally with all this. There is a group called Family and friends - Discussion Forum, which may help and a call to the Macmillan support line or their many booklets you can down load is good or ask melanoma questions where we can give our experience here can be good.

i do believe my own Mums illness and death (COPD) opened the gate for my illness to tke route so I hope you soon feel more confident in your Mums approach but ask her to bear in mind your need to settle your mind to. i found there were some questions I didn't want my husband to ask in from of me.

Not sure if this helps but its my experience.

Wise and warm words, KTatHome, thank you.  Best wishes on your journey xx

Thank you, I just like to know the facts and then I can deal with it better, but I know it’s not me it’s happening to. My dad passed away December 2020 and was only diagnosed with mass spread in the November, this had stemmed from a tumour in his oesophagus that had been treated with radiotherapy a few years earlier and had shrunk considerably, so just had telephone consultations during covid, and had been well up to the September 2020 when his stomach started to swell. So I think because of that I am always preparing for the worst case scenario, but I have chatted with her this morning and we are remaining positive and hoping that the biopsy doesn’t show too much spreed if any and that there is treatment available. She is a strong woman and is well in herself which is a positive in itself. Thanks again for your kind words.x