Post melonoma treatment and dysplastic nevi

Hi, 

I didn't think I'd find myself back here after my incredibly lucky journey having a melonoma in situ removed this March.

Part of my post cancer treatment involved 11 further biopsies, four of which have been varying types on dysplastic nevi and have been treated the same, with further surgery, as though they are also melonomas in situ. One was quite literally where the sun doesn't shine.

I'm finding it quite difficult to not feel as though I have a cloud following me around, like a shadow of fear. A constant reminder that I'm not invincible and one day I will die, I just can't stop thinking that it may be so much sooner than I had ever had hoped. The funny thing is, I've come out of all of my treatments so fortunate and my survival rate from a pathological point of view is like anyone else. It's just that now I feel threatened by any freckle or mole on my body as innocent as they may look. As though my cards a marked with the other pre-cancerous moles.

I'm scared of dying young (I've just turned 30). My skin scares me. The sun scares me. I also can't help but worry that I'm at more risk for having pre-cancerous moles where no sun shone. Do I have 'the cancer gene'. 

The anxiety and fear of dying is horrible. Like I'm always having to look over my shoulder. I can't escape the threat that is my own skin. I don't know if this is normal for someone who's got off so lightly so far?

I wondered if anyone else who's had melonomas or pre- cancerous moles feels a similar way? My friends abd family don't seem to understand why skin cancer would scare me so much, especially as I've had such good news with every surgery. I still feel worried.

Thanks.