Hi , welcome to the online community. There’s a whole heap of ways that melanoma can affect a patient and their loved ones after diagnosis and the coming months.
For me I was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma no primary but a spread to my abdominal and pelvic lymph nodes and then to my ovary. My husband seemed to become a bit detached trying to remain strong, and I seemed to become a bit Spock like at first too. I felt like we turned a corner when we started talking to each other and saying how we felt. I didn’t need him to be strong I needed him to show that he cared, and would look after me, he’s been to every appointment over the last 4 years, and he hears all the positive stuff when I hear all the negative, so I need those conversations with him after my oncologist appointments.
I’m not sure what he would say about coming to terms with our situation though, you could tell us what your struggling with to see if we can help, or you could pop into the carers group. I’ll put a link in to see if it will help.
It also helps those replying if you complete a profile, to tell us a little more about what’s brought you to the site. To do that you click on your user name find the edit button, type away and press save, you can see my very long one by clicking on my user name.
When we needed to have a long chat it helped reading the talking about cancer section in the information and support section.
I hope some of this helps, I don’t know what stage of melanoma your wife has, or what treatment she’s on or if she has finished her treatment all I can say is my experience, he came with me to 2 melanoma patient conferences and that helps as well as we both know the same information about the dangers of melanoma and the good results that the new treatments are having.
You are very welcome , I have read back on a few of your new posts I can see now that your wife’s having immunotherapy which is what I’m having at the moment. My husband comes with me to the hospital and when we know where I’m going to sit I send him off for a walk so he doesn’t see the cannula go in, he’s felt a bit faint a few times, and I’d rather he did that as he passed out when I gave birth !!
I know you started your post saying you wanted to think positively, and it’s difficult at times to do that, I suppose after 4 years I’ve learnt to cope with the uncertainty and knowing you can’t distract yourself for ever there’s times when you have to face it full on. Some people seem to sail through immunotherapy, continue working full time, others have a short spell in hospital due to side effects and others have a real tough time.
I have become no evidence of disease twice while having immunotherapy, I would have preferred it just the once and to be one of the lucky ones where it doesn’t return and I’d die of old age. I have a scan tomorrow and I’ve been looking forward to coming off Pembro in March being still clear but I’m concerned about a lump I have that’s getting bigger. I wanted to be very positive for you and I suppose the positive bit is that my husband and I were always very close and this diagnosis has not changed that and in some ways has made us stronger together. I have found though that I prefer to sleep in the spare bedroom when I’m tired after immunotherapy and when my husband has to get up really early to go to work.
