Hi my name is Zena and I have secondary lymph cancer I think

I had felt ill fatigued and very breathless worsening over a year. I then had a heart attack and was told I needed a ‘cabbage’ I was being prepped to go to Bristol/Oxford when I was taken to have stents fitted unexpectedly. They fitted three stents in one artery lasting 2 hours. It was harrowing. The surgeon said it had been very difficult and they had been asked to patched me up. I was heartbroken because I felt they were putting a plaster on it but I didn’t know why they had done this U turn. I was sent home with a view to going back for stents in the other artery as I had Triple Artery Disease. Two weeks later more chest pain and another angiogram they didn’t fit stents instead they said I needed a heart MRI. In between all of this and just after the first admission to hospital I contracted Covid in the hospital which put me into isolation for  14 days. So time is ticking on. I went for a heart MRI where they stressed my heart and that was another harrowing hour I spent in a tube. Waited 3/4 days for results all the time feeling that something was being kept from me. A consultant came and said I have good and bad news the good news was the blood was getting around my body sufficiently but the artery where the three stents put in was blocked at the bottom. The bad news was I had lung cancer. This was a huge shock. Apparently they had seen the dark shadows in the x ray they had done the first day of being admitted to the hospital following the first heart attack. So this is why they had done the U turn. I hate that they didn’t tell me at the beginning.. I was sent home with new tablets which has the same ingredients in as the spray I was given to put under my tongue. I was so ill for a week and ended up back in hospital. They didn’t know what caused me to be so ill. We realised following a scan/X-ray on my neck that they had seen something because they said I could go home and then I couldn’t and then I could. I was then sent for a pet scan and apparently my neck lit up like a lantern along with other places. I was then sent to a respitory consultant whose first response was we are not giving you surgery you are not having chemo because your heart would not take it and I was sent home with nothing. Approximately 6 weeks letter I had pains in my chest and was taken in again where my triponian levels rose and I was told I was having another heart attack. The next day I was told I wasn’t and that it was angina and I was being sent home with angina tablets. The cancer nurse visited me and said I could have one year or considerably less to live and to go home and get my house in order. The thing is though the discharge notes said my triponiam had gone from 27 to 46 Nd the next day to 158 so this is a clear indication of a heart attack. I knew it was a heart attack. They had lied all the way through and underneath I knew it. This confused and upsets me even today. I did a DNR as if I have a massive heart attack I don’t want bringing back because what would I be brought back to. But, I have changed my mind somewhat now as after a biopsy of the tumour it has been found that I can have immunotherapy and start it on 5Dec. I have found that life is so precious and I have a bit of fight in me now I have been given an olive branch. The first bit of hope. I can look to next week, next month and even next year really. I am having terrible panic attacks as I think any symptom is all related to the cancer and I am going to die like tomorrow. Trying to get this under control is my battle. I am seeing a therapist this Friday which will hopefully help I am just so angry. I want to shout, scream and smash things and I blame this on being kept in the dark for so long and lied to by the cardiac team or it is just because this is happening to me. How do I accept this is happening, how can I get the anger and grief I feel to quell and to live my best life with the time I have left?