My husband has terminal lung cancer

Hello Yelsel. 

It must be incredibly difficult for you.  I’m so sorry.

I too was diagnosed about 18 months ago with lung cancer which had spread to my femur and elsewhere.  My regular oncologist who dealt with my chemo also refuses to say how long I have, saying everyone is different and responds differently.  That certainly reflects what I have picked up from fellow sufferers.  I had a second opinion from a London hospital and the consultant there gave me a better feel for timing in my case.  I like him a lot and respect his openness.  My radiotherapy oncologist is also fairly open.

of course, men can be slow to open up about their illness.  I go on a men’s cancer walk every month, accompanied by a clinical psychologist who acts as a facilitator.  We finish up in the cafe.  We are all patients, no partners.  We all talk (some non-stop!) about our own situations, and we listen to each other.  It is a very supportive environment.  But we talk about lots of other things too, politics etc.  Might this be helpful?

I’m not sure I have addressed your main issue.  I hope you manage to find a solution.

Very best wishes

JonnyB

Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.

Regarding your husband's prognosis, usually a consultant oncologist will not tell a patient the prognosis unless the patient specifically asks for it, so your husband has probably not asked for it. Also, was the word "terminal" used or "incurable", there can be a subtle difference. A lot of cancer patients regret asking this question because, when given a time limit it can make people give up fighting and it takes positivity and hope away. Personally I would not continue pressing your husband on the subject or dwelling on it,18 months is a long time to keep having the same discussions, try to just enjoy life from day to day. I don't think you knowing would make any difference, you will just then start to count down the days and months.....besides, with such advanced cancer treatments these days many people are living a lot longer, in some cases years, than their initial prognosis.

I am saying this as a cancer patient myself, along with my friend. We were both diagnosed with lung cancer 19 month's ago, mine is curable, but unfortunately my friend's diagnosis was given as incurable. She herself did not ask for a prognosis, she was just determined to have all the treatment available to her and remain positive. Initially, with both myself and my friend, it was the topic of conversation for about a month, and then subsequently, although not forgotten, it was put on the back burner so to speak and we don't dwell on it. I can quite honestly say that for the last year or so the word cancer never gets mentioned between myself, my friend or our families. Of course when a diagnosis is given it is always in the back of your mind, but for me and my friend that is where it stays.

Best wishes to you both.

Ann

Thank you so much. Yes, I can understand that he probably hasn't asked.. he is just starting to act a bit odd. We started off having just one holiday b6ooked in may - now he has also booked June and July (all to cornwall as he can't get insurance to go abroad). He just see.s to be craving so much in, in such a short length of time - this has also triggered suspicion in me.

I will try not to think too deeply into things  but in all honesty I think I would be able to deal with it better if I knew.

Thank you for reading.

Lesley x

I can understand your consultant being vague about life expectancy. In these days of litigation. Saying you've got about 18 month then losing it in 6, some folk would be seeking compensation saying you promised 18. Trying to blame the consultant for the loss of time.

It's not the consultant being vague, it's about my husband saying he doesn't know what he has left (it's my husband with cancer, not me).