Floored

Your not alone I feel as though I'm in a nightmare i cant wake up from. Docs have told me not much as the biopsy Tuesday will tell them more.. just turned 55 I have 2 teens still at home and I cant figure out how to process it. 

The first thing I thought of was my kids (I say kids but they’re 32 & 34 ) with 3 little ones between them. They don’t have much to do with their dad for the last 20 years & it’s always me they come to. I did tell them both but played it down as I’m just coming to terms with it myself & don’t want them worrying about me. I put a happy face on around them & my little grandchildren but it’s not how I feel. I have read so many positive posts on here even from people who have stage 4 & few years later they are still with us so that does gives me hope x 

I'm trying but it's so scary.. and I'm so angry at myself as I'm a smoker so I blame me.. my ainexity has gone through the roof I feel sick to my stomach constantly.  I just want to forget but I cant. Thank you 

I understand that, I have 33 to 17 ,4 girls one son. I feel as though I've failed them cause I wasnt strong enough to hide it better until I found out more. I am glad I found here cause I have no one to talk to. I see here there is hope.. I cant seem to leave my house it's like I'm frozen waiting on someone to tell me what to do next..i just found this chat last night and it is hopeful seeing so many postive posts

I'm scared to even talk .. I honestly feel so overwhelmed and mad at myself. I'm glad I found this chat as I see postive post it gives me hope.. 

Yer I was angry at myself cause of smoking for 45 years before giving up. My daughter gave up with me & my hubby last October & we vape. My son still smokes & even though I’ve told him it’s not good I don’t think I would have listened to anyone at his age. Im still in denial I think cause I carry on as normal then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m very scared about having surgery although I’m glad I am. It’s the word cancer! That’s the word we all dread but there are so many options available now. Someone on here told me not to read up about it online as the info is about 5 years out of date & reading about other people’s experiences on here helps a lot x 

Yeah I've not researched anything am to scared. I am down to a few rollies a day I tried the vape thing I couldnt get my head around the other chemicals in it other then nicotine.  My rollies are filtered twice as small as a cigg and I never finish a whole one. I'm going monday to get the nicotine inhaler stick to try and use those. I wish I had someone other then my kids I feel guilty all the time. I know I dont make much sense I just am so dang scared I'm rambling. 

You haven’t failed them & they will be there for you all the way. I found myself cleaning my flat from top to bottom so that you could eat your dinner off the floor, guess this is my way of coping & now I’m cleaning all the cupboards out cause it takes my mine of it for a while x 

Hello Frazzled I know exactly how you feel as I was in the same position as you nearly 2 years ago now. I was diagnosed with SCLC inoperable as it to far advanced. They only gave me a year to live. But my consultant who is ever so good put me on target therapy (chem tablet called Osimertinib ) Frazzled that will be 2 year this August and the tablet is keeping it at bay. I'm also back playing football and enjoying my life again, don't get me wrong I do have my moments but then my wife will help me through them then all is good again. There was also a young man who I  spoke to when I first come onto this site who was also on the same chemo he was only 47 and took up cycling again. Frazzled I wish you all the best for the future keep positive keep active and if you feel low talk don't hold it in. Rob 

That's what I want to do but cant seem to move I literally feel frozen to my chair. I know they will but I feel so bad..