Update - sad and mad

Sending you lots of hugs  ...I am still trying yo figure this site out elly and I know you sent me a friend request  ..I was going to send you a message but cannot find you ..can you send that request again xx

Yes will do that now love 

Oh Elly

please stop, take a breath, and I’m sending you one massive hug please catch it and hug it.

firstly all of what you are feeling is normal perfectly normal, omg who wouldn’t be scared and just admitting that make’s you strong, just a little bit of advice you don’t know you diagnosis yet so in a phase don’t poke the bear. Counselling is great it allows you to say everything out loud, I always think saying things out loud can help you sort the problem out. 

when you get your diagnosis you will cope honest you will, you may not take everything in they are telling you at the initial meeting (don’t try) you can take someone with you that helps, you should find they give you access to a specialist nurse so if you need / want to ask any questions you can call them. My nurses are brilliant. I came away from my diagnosis meeting with my brain all over the place, I went home cried laughed shouted and cried some more, only then did I sit down and think about what I had been told. I got a pie cod paper and wrote down what I could remember and then I wrote a list of what I felt I need to ask and then I rang my specialist nurse and went through it all. At my diagnosis meeting I had signed up to my treatment plan my nurse went through all of this again with me she even said that I didn’t have to go through with the plan if I didn’t want to everything was up to me, she recommended I got some counselling even sorted this out for me and she also said I could anytime and ask about anything, and believe me I did and true to her word she was there. 

I also joined this site which was the best thing I did people on here have been great, when they say they understand you know they are genuine because they’ve had a similar diagnosis so you know the advice is coming from a good place.

I know waiting is horrible and scary, but try and do stuff that makes you happy with good memories while you are waiting foe results. The results may not be all you feared when you get them so try and relax and be happy while you wait for you results, waiting for your diagnosis doesn’t mean you can’t be happy while you wait. 

please keep me updated with your progress, do you know when you will get you diagnosis? if so when is that. If you need anything a chat a rant etc I’m happy to be there just message me. I’m always happy to support if I can, many a kind person on this forum supported and supports me when I need it.

big hugs for now

Donna

Thank you for those words Donna , your advice means a lot and is truly appreciated  I’m told my results are being reviewed at the mdt on the 6th so anytime after that ….. I don’t know what’s happening to me emotionally this week , maybe the tests being done and the relief of that  or the looming diagnosis but I went into a tailspin for a couple of days  … normally I strive to be positive and my humour carries me through but both of those things left the room for awhile …. Gave myself a talking to last night and woke up feeling a bit better today …you’re right about poking the bear but I’ve always been one to fear the worst and hope for the best … thank you again Elly x

Elly, I am so sorry you have to feel like this, Cancer is such a horrible disease, you do not deserve this, no-one does. But from what I can see is that you are very strong and will take this on with such a fight.  You have got to be scared, this is a natural feeling huni.  I am sending you a massive hug 

Love T xxx

Thank you T …It’s such a rollercoaster isn’t it … I’ve gone from numb , shocked , hysterical, feeling like I’m looking in on this happening to someone else not me , like I’m not in the room almost , to low and sad ( and mad ) this week …. It’s just horrible ….. I’m glad to be amongst those who understand and I think it’s important to post our “stuff” too …. It might help others coming along in the future to see it’s ok to not be ok sometimes …. How many of us are bravely trying to be ok for family , I know I am because it hurts me they are worrying …. It’s good to be able to come to this safe place and vent …. I hope I will be there for others too ….thanks again I appreciate your support I really do , how’s your  mum doing love now she’s made her decision to stop treatment bless her ? ,  Elly x

Hi Elly 

let me just tell you my friend you are doing great, give what you are drawing at the moment. All the feelings you’re having and the ups and downs are perfectly normal. All of us will always understand what you are feeling because we’ve been there too. Just love yourself and those around you for new. Remember you are brave you are strong you are Elly, I’m sure there’s a song in there somewhere.

hopefully on or soon after the 6th you will have the answers you need and a plan to be working with. Just hang on for a couple more days. On a personal note my hair has grown to 4mm and it’s really healthy and much as I like it I have become very fond of my hats and my fur shee she’s, as they are good for starting conversations, so I won’t be giving up my headwear anytime soon. Apparently my short hair look great because I have a small head I’m told lol and I never leave the house without my makeup and perfume, that would be like going out naked. No don’t imagine that, it’s not a pretty site xxx but my heart’s in the right place.

hopefully there’s a couple of things in my post that have distracted you for a short time.

Hugs Donna xxx

Well I know who to come to for hat advice then as I look a b*gger in a hat . My hair is short to start with so that’s a bonus I guess …. Thanks Donna for your replies and hugs , I’ll take them ! Elly x

Sweet Elly, You are entitled to have all these emotions but share them so your family understand and be so kind to you!!

She was in a very angry and hurtful place last week but seems to have come out the other side, and again fighting spirit.  You are right, it is ok. not to be ok.  This has such a huge impact on every member of the family, we have, as her girls grieved at the start, in the middle and we are now waiting on the end. She can't comprehend why her but there is no rhyme or reason on who cancer picks.  I think it picks the strongest people in this world.  Every single one of you are the bravest on this earth. As daughter, I want to worry, so will your family, allow it to happen and love each other everyday.

My Dad is also not great, he has lung cancer but never had a full diagnosis as he couldn't cope with anesthetic.  He also has COPD, he is in hospital at the moment, so she is also his full time carer. Don't get me wrong she is not alone, I am there at lunchtime and for a couple of hours in the evening to help and my other 2 sisters muck in and take weekends etc, one does all her hosp appts.

Always here if you need a chat or any questions.

Love T xxx

Thanks T , I think we all move through such a broad spectrum of emotions going through this horrible experience … I’m sending  you , your mum and dad , and family lots of hugs