I’m trying so hard to be supportive

Hi Miss Ellis,

There are lots of downloadable leaflets on Roy Castle Cancer website and I’m sure there are others elsewhere. Finding out you have lung cancer, as you say, is very stressful for everyone. Your partner’s anger could be part of the raised blood pressure as I found the stress pushed mine up. I was diagnosed following a lung health check, with no symptoms. I don’t know anything about the production of hormones but a cancer nurse on here or Roy Castle may be able to tell you more. I didn’t react with my husband and family with anger. I just didn’t want to keep discussing it and tried to steer clear of any ‘how do you feel’ conversations. I don’t know if your partner has family but I didn’t say anything to my children (all grownup) until I had a firm diagnosis of type of cancer and a treatment programme. I set up messenger just to keep them informed although I did talk to them about factual matters. 
I kept myself occupied by reading and watching box sets and carrying on as best I could without dwelling too much. I don’t know if my experiences will be of any help but I suggest you might chat to one of the MacMillan or Roy Castle nurses. They may be able to give you some pointers.

All I’d say is try not to keep asking if there’s anything you can do. Just keep things as normal as possible. Please ask if there’s anything you want to know.

Wishing both of you all the best. Love xxx

Hello Miss Ellis.

My husband and I are in a similar situation, he's just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which was a huge shock as apart from some pain which we thought was muscular, he had no symptoms. 

We should be getting a treatment plan next week. 

Im finding this limbo time before any plan so difficult, I want to help, I'm very worried but there's nothing I can really do and my worry isn't helping him.

We've agreed that he'll tell me if he's feeling particularly anxious or the pain is higher than usual as me asking all the time was annoying him. I'm trying to keep myself busy and be as 'normal' as possible, for my sake as well as his. I also find that keeping busy with things like decorating (we've just moved house) takes the pressure off him which in turn makes me feel like I'm helping somehow.

I guess everyone and every relationship is different but I just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone in this. Look after yourself and in my experience, if you think he's being unfair regardless of the reason, tell him as kindly as possible.

Much love x

Hi just wanted to pop on to say I’ve been recently advised I have a tumour , just waiting for full diagnosis and I’m still in  A state of shock and I’ve also been a bit like a ticking time bomb with my wonderfully patient hubby who just wants to help and doesn’t  know what to do so I understand …. What’s helped me is what the others have said to try to carry on as normal as much as possible , be there when he is ready to talk … he feels like he’s been hit by a bus at the mo as no doubt do you … it takes time to overcome the initial shock , it’s so hard for you both and I’m sending much love …. I think there is a family , friends carer group too that might help and of course there is the support line which is there for you too and you can chat to someone about your worries x