Hi all, three years ago I was diagnosed with a pan coast Tumour a rare form of lung cancer and was given six months so I’m doing well in that sense,
normally I’m very up beat and positive and have even considered volunteering to talk and support new patients at the hospital,
I don’t see my cancer as a bad thing strangely, the year before my diagnosis my wife left me and our kids, I carried on for the kids but was struggling with the stress and anxiety not knowing why she had left and what had happened at this time I started getting pains in my left arm not so much pain I’d say it was like pins and needles and like a pumping feeling as if you had led on your arm for to long and it had gone to sleep but lasted all day and night every day since it started, I just shrugged it off as stress.
ten months later she took the kids from me a second blow to my heart and the worst thing she could have done, my stress levels then went through the roof and I then started getting pains in my chest on the left side that felt like someone was constantly stood on the top of my chest on that side, so now had chest and arm pains as well as my arm shaking constantly and uncontrollable but again shrugged it off as just the stress I was under.
by December I was in so much pain I was not sleeping so finally went to my gp first they thought it was heart problems and sent me for bloods and an ecg but when I returned for the results I saw a different doctor and he said those test were clear no problem but he thought it was more so sent me for an X-ray and on returned for those results saw the same doctor who said he could see something and wanted a ct scan done which I had on New Year’s Eve, from that I was sent for a biopsy and diagnosis with my cancer,
on being told what I had and told I had six months two things flashed though my mind, one I may never see my kids again and two why had I wasted so much time stressing over what had happened and trying to change the past instead of looking to the future, if I had not had that second flash I’m sure I’d be another victim by now but that second flash was really the kick up the ass I needed to get on with life and make the most of it so you see in my mind I don’t see my cancer as a bad thing more of a god send.
the first year I spent going places and doing things I wanted to do alone and between treatments which was six and a half weeks of radiotherapy and chemotherapy,
then I started to put my life back on track and dating again and started a year of immunotherapy,
dating again was hard as soon as I mentioned the word cancer people would just run and hide and I’d never heard back, then one day two years ago I meet someone who’s dad had died from cancer when she was young, she basically said so what your still a person you still deserve to be happy and loved and that was that I had found that one, I spent more and more time with here and during lockdown isolated with her and needless to say fell in love again and was happier than I’d been for a long time the future looked bright and I was looking forward to living it.
over the last few months I’ve been getting stressed again over my children and money issues and one thing I’ve realised is any form of stress will start my shoulder aching and pains again but controllable pain and realised I was not getting support with any of this from my new partner, then out of the blue she said things are not working out and ended our relationship,
my stress levels have just rocketed once again, pain has started again and my arm shaking, I know I can call the hospital any time most amazing staff and may sound funny but I do miss seeing them. But I know how much pain I was in and how I was back then and this is bad but no we’re near what I had before so I’m sure it’s just the situation and circumstances I’m in at the moment but worse than that I’m extremely down and feeling lonely again, those two little words “it’s over” has just sucked all the life back out of me and drained my of my positive out look and I sit alone in a big three bed house that once was filled with laughter and love from two adults and six children, feel so low at the moment don’t know where to turn or what to do
Hi Glowfish, welcome to the group but so sorry you find yourself here. What a rotten time you have had. Relationships are very fragile, throw cancer, covid and financial matters into the mix then it won’t take long for the cracks to show. It does sound like your ex hasn’t been very fair regarding the finances. If she was living in your house, she can’t expect not to contribute! As sad as it is that the relationship has ended, I think you would of found yourself in a much deeper hole if the relationship had continued.
I think you will benefit from calling the Macmillan support line. They can arrange for you to speak to a financial expert who can help you with your debt. It is a free call number and they are available 7 days a week from 8am until 8pm on 0808 808 00 00.
I also think you should contact your oncology team about this pain you are experiencing. They may be able to help you with some pain relief.
In your first post you mentioned volunteering at the hospital. This is something I think you should consider. It would get you out of the house, and you can meet some new people. There are lots of ways you can volunteer. If you scroll down to the bottom of the page you will find a link about volunteering. I became a Macmillan volunteer here in the online community during lockdown, and it has been a very rewarding time for me. Being told you have cancer is such a lonely place to be, but being able to talk to someone who knows what you are going through, and see that you can live with this disease, is so reassuring. If you want to find out more about being a community champ, you can email the team at community@macmillan.org.uk.
