Mum has lung cancer

Hi Niknak1 and welcome to the group but so sorry to hear about your mum. 

It is very scary when a family member receives a cancer diagnoses, and the fear of what is ahead, but talking to others who are in a similar situation to yourself does help you through this difficult time. The people in this lung group are mainly people who are living with lung cancer themselves, so the group is great for treatment advice, but I think you would benefit from joining one of  the support groups, There are 3 different support forums on the community you can join.

Family and friends 

Carers only

supporting someone with incurable cancer group

You will find several people there who are going through a similar situation to yourself.  You can also call the Macmillan support helpline for support 7 days a week from 8am til 8pm on 0808 808 00 00 

Take care 

Hi I'm new to the group

My mum was also diagnosed with lung cancer on the 1st March. Its not curable but she is halfway through chemo in the hope it gives her more time. Its so heartbreaking isn't it? It's the feelings I'm struggling with too. Sorry I have no words to help but I'm here to listen take care

I too found out that my Mum has stage 4 lung cancer at Easter. It was surreal. My Mum was admitted to hospital via the paramedics she'd called because she was struggling to breathe. One x-ray later and the world changed. They saw shadows around her lung, liver and spine so investigated it further and that's how she found out.

She told me over the phone because at that time visitors were not allowed in at our hospital due to COVID-19. Getting any information was a nightmare because I couldn't speak to any doctors or consultants. I couldn't process this information, it didn't feel real because I hadn't heard it from a doctor and my Mum was very 'matter of fact' about it all.
She's smoked since she was a teenager and is now 74, so not really a surprise.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got confirmation in a meeting with my Mum, a consultant and two lung cancer nurses. That's when I processed the situation and went home feeling numb.

My advice to you is to talk to people - you'll be surprised how many have been through similar experiences and are willing to support you or, if nothing else, let you get it off your chest.

Don't be afraid to cry; I'm a 51 year old bloke and I've sobbed and laughed and got angry with her and they're all perfectly natural emotions to go through, so I've been told. And the morphine she's on makes her forget most of what I'm going through, so I'm glad of that.

I sound like an old hand at this, but it's my first time dealing with cancer and I'm dreading the inevitable, which we've been told is only months away, even with chemotherapy.

I'm having to do this on my own as I'm an only child and our family are spread across the country, but if you have other family members close by then share the responsibilities with them; even though I feel I should be spending every second with her, I have 'days off' because she has carers that come in to support her every day and I need to recharge my batteries so I don't get burnt out. You need to look after yourself too!

If you haven't already, approach your GP - he/she should have a grasp on your situation and be able to help or put you in touch with various organisations who can help you.

If you can't talk to anybody, or you don't feel ready to talk, try writing/typing all your feelings down on paper - it's a way of 'releasing' them from inside you. Also, write down any questions you have. At some point you will refer back to your notes and smile, or cry, or both. I have found mine useful when I've talked to other people/organisations.

Please don't think you are on your own, you're not.

...and this is the first time I have visited the Macmillan website! I came here looking for support for myself but read your post and felt I needed to join and reply saying I've got an idea of what you're going through. It's horrible/worrying/scary and makes you feel totally vulnerable and rubbish at times.

I hope my ramblings help you to not feel alone.

Hi my mum passed away on Thursday night 

Hi my mum passed away on Thursday , so quick from diagnosis to the end 61 days 

I'm so sorry to hear this...my thoughts are with you 

Thank you so much for your wonderful words...its so hard isn't it?

I took my mum to the gp surgery in February which was no easy task during this covid crisis. Mum just had a cough and her voice had gone. The gp prescribed antibiotics and steroids but I demanded an x-ray as she had been unwell for weeks,the gp relented and off we went for the x-ray. The day after the gp surgery phoned mum to say she had to have a scan as they had found "something" on the x-ray. We went for the ct scan and gp phoned her and said it was lung cancer and it didn't look good as it had already spread!!! 

Then the journey began. Mum won't get better and the chemo isn't for the purpose of a cure but palliative she might get a better quality of life for however long that should be. Its a roller coaster and like you I'm alone with it as well. 

We have a scan tomorrow and see the consultant on Friday to discuss if the chemo she's had has made any impact....fingers crossed 

Thankyou again for your wise words and my thoughts are with you take care

I am so sorry for your loss. You don't need me to tell you how difficult this time is for you, but you will go through many emotions; just ride with them - if you want to cry, cry - if you want to get angry, punch a pillow and scream. Just let them come out however they choose to. I'm sure you've already done this anyway.

This horrible time will pass and your pain will eventually fade and you'll be left with lovely memories of your mum from the good times.

Please look after yourself. Take care.

Some days I really struggle, especially when she's had a go at me over the smallest thing (this usually coincides with when she's forgot to take her morphine tablets) but I get angry away from her, remind myself that this mum is not the one I had before Easter, take a deep breath and carry on. The day after she's already forgot about it and is back to her normal nice self.

I'm also lucky that my employer is very understanding and I have accessed counselling through them; this is how I found that it was good to talk openly about it, to get it off my chest. Writing stuff down in a notepad helped me to clear my thoughts and I read them back sometimes. Not sure how this helps, but it does make me feel better.

I hope the chemo gives you that extra time; I took my Mum today for her second dose and after she wanted McNuggets, so that's what I got her!

Sorry, I haven't got as much to say tonight. I guess I must be a bit tired. Take care of yourself.

Hi there , my mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer too . Non small cell . She has just completed radiotherapy course in the aim to shrink it because she is in a lot of pain . How is your mum doing ? Has she had any side effects to her treatment ? Xx

Fiona x