What can I say. My radical radiation began 11 September. To say I was terrified is an understatement. First day all went well. Second day was completely different. I walked in the radiation room and wham!! The biggest panic/fear attack I have ever had in my life. I couldn't breathe, swallow and my whole body was shaking. I was 2 seconds away from signing papers to say I couldn't do it. Everyone seemed to be running around and talking in a language I just couldn't understand. Then a nurse said go and get her daughter. My daughter screamed at me that I had to tell my 12 year old grandson, who is my heartbeat and we have custody of, that I was just going to leave him and not even try to fight to stay with him. That worked. I threw myself back on the table and told them to do it now before I changed my mind. That was over a month ago. I got to ring the bell on October 6th. No one thought I would finish the treatment. After that day, I didn't myself. I won't know for a while if the radiation has worked, but I got through it. Sounds so stupid now that I was like a child throwing a tantrum. Am I glad I went for radical radiation, yes yes yes. Made and met some wonderful friends/people. The hardest part, for me, that first day was seeing just how many others have this awful disease. It definitely is a journey into the unknown, I wouldn't wish on anyone. But it also taught me a big lesson. No matter what, I have to fight this with all I have. We all have an invisible strength that we never realise is there until we have to use it. Use it we must, no matter how hard. When everything is against us we have to call on whatever is inside. For me, it was the heartbeat of a 12 year old who is my world. My journey is ongoing, but I'm happy with the moment I have now. Stay strong and laugh all you can xx
Well done Bubba12 for getting through it. You should be proud of yourself for finishing the treatment. It just shows that although fear and anxiety is such a strong force, love will always win the day! Well done you! X
“Try to be a rainbow, in somebody else's cloud” ~ Maya Angelou
