I really need to say this out loud but don’t want to admit it to anyone close to me, so I hope you don’t mind me getting it off my chest here
My journey is at the stage where a bronchoscopy confirmed a squamous cancer in my right lung, which has spread into my chest lymph nodes (I think 3) and is also going into one of my bronchial tubes. It’s not curable but I’ve been told should be treatable. I had a PET scan last Friday to see if it’s spread outside of my chest area & all being well will get my full results & treatment plan next Thursday.
I have such an annoying cough that comes in waves & can last continuously for quite a while, it’s non productive so can cause my chest to become painful. I also get breathless with any exertion, which can include talking too much, lol! Nighttime’s can be a nightmare, sometimes I’m up & down constantly but other nights I’m so exhausted I think the cough disturbs me but I get back to sleep quite quickly.
I also have fibromyalgia & arthritis, so fatigue has been part of my life for a few year BUT I have never felt as exhausted as I do at the moment. I’m so frustrated, I really wanted to keep on being “normal” for as long as possible.
I love my job & I’ve been open & honest with everyone I know - I can’t begin to tell you how supported, cared for and loved I’ve been since finding out the worst news I’ve ever had. I’m managing to work full time still but I know I’m not being as effective as I used to be, which again frustrates the life out of me. I’m aware my manager & colleagues are having to carry me & I know they’re happy to do that, so why do I feel so low about it?
I’m a very positive person but I admit I’m struggling a bit at the moment! My day consists of forcing myself out of bed every morning, trying to function like a normal person through out the day, getting home & collapsing in my armchair & willing the time to go quickly so I can climb back into bed & praying I don’t have too many coughing fits throughout the night. Weekends are now a time when I have a lay in in the morning, maybe go to the supermarket then slob out in front of the tv, so not a lot of fun not that I’m up for it anyway.
Hopefully the treatment plan will give me focus, a way forward to having some better days that I can actually enjoy again 
Hi there Mandrose I think the delays from initial diagnosis to getting started with any sort of treatment would actually drain the energy of a Duracell bunny! It’s emotionally fraught, all consuming in lots of ways and if you’re dealing with symptoms like coughing at night too is totalling exhausting …. I’m exactly the same love …. I think you need to be gentle with yourself , it’s ok to be a positive person and be a bit down too . The latter doesn’t negate the former …. You can be both …. Much love .Elly 
