Short version, dad was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer in November and confirmed terminal. Mum diagnosed with terminal cancer in January.
Current position sat in hospital by dad bedside as his cancer is in lungs, lymph nodes and v aggressive plus he has an infection which they are currently trying to treat. He is under palative care and the discussion has been had in regards to the best place for him to see out his days.
Two rooms away is my mum, who has been in since early February, was due to go home Fri under a care package and single room living. My brother and I told her yesterday about dad (complicated relationship due to dad being an alcoholic ) but mum has today started to show the signs she is giving up. It could just be shock and she may come round but my gut says different.
I feel a cow but I just want it to end and not sure I want to be there when it does. They are both under DNR. I know what it means for it to end but I can't bear seeing them and what this is doing to my brother and I. How he is getting through it with no medical help I have no idea as I am on the top dose or antidepressants and sleeping tablets and even then not sure I have the strength to face this and not helped the system isn't designed for this situation
Not sure I really know why posting this to be honest, nothing no one can do. X
