Secondary Liver Cancer - Eventual Liver Failure and What to Expect

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Hi, my 63 year old father passed away this week as a result of secondary liver cancer, the primary was bowel cancer (which had also spread to his lungs, though the oncologists regarded the tumours on his lungs with far less concern than those on his liver). He was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2007, after having almost no symptoms until the 11th hour (he was severely constipated for over a week all of a sudden, which led to severe vomiting, casualty, a hospital stay of two nights and 28cm bowel obstruction successfully removed and the results of the tumour take out were malignant - this was back in Autumn 2007).

 

Despite having two rounds of chemo over the two years, the first didn't work too well, the second did work in shrinking tumours but my father was taken of it on cycle 8 out of 12 as side effects of the drug threatened to kill him with a life threatening stroke or heart attack - he developed a blood clot on his lung. Signs of this clot were him not being able to lie down on his side one night, and a bit of pain there - though he never described that as agonising so be aware. The oncologist said that was an unusual reaction to the chemo drug.

 

He then was offered a little hope toward the end of this summer with the potential to go on a drug trial, with a renowned professor, though he was never accepted on this as it was deemed to dangerous in light of blood test results relating to liver function.

My father spent virtually all of his 2 years with cancer taking the dog on long walks, flying long haul to visit me in New York twice, getting on public transport, walking lots over there, going to the pub to meet his friends for a pint once a week, going on holidays to Scotland doing lots of walking with my mam, socialising with friends and family and retaining his friendly, cheerful, gentleman like demeanour. No tears EVER, no bad moods, no depressing talks or even mention of prognosis, perhaps a little more prone to tiredness than usual.

 

Fast forward to a month ago, when I came to visit him from NY - he was suddenly out of the blue a lot more tired and exhausted. He'd been taking steroids about 2 weeks prior to my visit and recently come off then. He was also on the blood thinner warfarin which needs careful monitoring. During my stay he was admitted to hospital, with suspect internal bleeding - they though the pain in his side was a result of misbalance of warfarin and perhaps the extreme tiredness as a result of suddenly being taken off steroids. He was immediately put back on steroids, and the warfarin adjusted - but no avail, as he continued to visit the his weekly warfarin clinic they just couldn't seem to get the balance of his dose right and his INR (which measures the clotting ability of his blood) was off the acceptable scale most of the time.

 

A misbalance of drugs masked the fact that liver failure was taking its effect. The whites of his eyes became slightly jaundiced about 3 weeks ago but just his eyes. As a week progressed his face was a shade of jaundice. He remained his normal self but VERY tired, and took tramadol the pain killer only occasionally (say every two days for a 'stitch like pain that wouldn't go away in his side').

 

I returned to New York, but last Saturday after knowing my Dad had been increasingly tired received a call from my mother saying Dad had been admitted to hospital. He'd had a bad nights sleep on the Friday night, was a little disorientated and on Saturday afternoon when the on call GP reached him at our home he failed a basic coordination test which involved aligning his hands together - the doctor said it was best to admit him into hospital for tests.

 

Dad was admitted to an 'acute care ward' as it was a weekend. I've since heard if it had been a weekday, they may have admitted him into a hospice for a night or two for assessment instead. He had a side room, and was the sickest on the ward by far - everyone else was in wards and were able to hold cups by themselves, talk in full sentences and achieve some sound sleep but not my Dad. By Saturday he was writhing on a bed grabbing the cot sides in pain, he was still talking but with one word answers or very short sentences. By Sunday I was on route to the UK on a plane, meanwhile my mother stayed up all night with my father as he was deteriorating so rapidly, he was down to one word answers and had to use a bedpan for the bathroom or a commode - he was bedridden. He was still taking his medication - steroids, pain killer, anti indigestion etc orally - they were all syrups and able to eat very soft food, like soggy wheatabix or ice cream which was one of the few things he seemed to enjoy at this stage.

 

I arrived on Monday morning at 8am, I took a deep breath and walked into his hospital room. He slowly, slowly turned his head to look at me, his eyes were deep yellow and his skin was a definite yellow, his face a little bloated and the dejected, fed up look in his expression was one of the most remarkable things. I'd never seen such suffering in a man right before my eyes in my life. I held it together for him, as I was conscious not to heighten any anxiety I'm sure he must have felt, told him I loved him and my Dad reach out to hug me and said 'good' in reply. He was totally lucid just so exhausted he was unable to express himself or his wishes properly.

 

As the day progressed my mother went home, leaving me with Dad as she had to urgently let the Macmillan delivery guys into our house to deliver a hospital bed, a commode, a table for a patient to eat off. It took until 5pm for the special ambulance to arrive and for his drugs to come from the pharmacy for him to be discharged. He was sent home with drugs suitable to administers via a syringe driver, for when he wouldn't be able swallow. The discharge process was a mess. He had a yellow prescription chart for the drugs for the driver which we had to take home, it had to be signed off by a Doctor - so a district nurse visiting our home could simply fit the syringe driver whenever my father reached the stage of not being able to swallow drugs orally. The nurses at the hospital checked over the form and said it was good to go - but we later discovered it wasn't, there was a second section which hadn't been signed off by a doctor.

 

After eating tiny spoonfuls of yoghurt on Monday evening and having deep sleep on Monday night, when my father 'woke up' (he wouldn't open his eyes and was in a semi coma, though he did scream out when carers handled his severely swollen legs to wash him) Most significantly he was unable to swallow drugs orally, and I had to waste a lot of time with phone calls back and forth to my GP's surgery to get district nurses out to him immediately (I was told to ring the nurses direct myself, the nurses told me for them to arrive as an emergency the GP had to dispatch them..) After time wasted with these calls the nurses arrived to tell me they could only count the drugs and could not administer them until the doctor arrived. Fortunately I made the judgement call to get the on call Doctor out as an emergency in addition to this, as I mentioned to her on the phone his breathing was becoming laboured and that we were NOT achieving the goal of making sure he was comfortable. It was around midday and he'd had NO medication just a droplet or two or oramorph the pain killer. The doctor arrived and completed the incomplete prescription chart. The driver was fitted, with the syringe in my fathers hand. I was told as it was subcutaneous it would take around 30 mins or so to kick in and the drugs given were a sedative (which I was most concerned with as I hated the thought of him panicking about dying and what the next step after death is), morphine for pain and anti sickness drug. The nurses and doctor left about 20 minutes later, and after a few moments my father opened his eyes for the first time that day and just stared as if unable to focus. My mother and I were holding his hands, kissing him, telling him he wasn't alone ever and how much we loved him. He then shut his eyes again and took his last few breaths, very peacefully..and that was the end.

 

This is a long story and still so fresh. His funeral hasn't even happened yet. I've learnt so much from it though and in short, I'd say that a most of the time liver failure will eventually become evident where a liver secondary is concerned.

First of all when jaundice comes, this is a sign of a build of a the waste product bilirubin in the blood, which the liver normally expels into the bowels - giving poo a brownish red colour. Poos become white, whilst eyes first then skin takes on a yellow tinge. Urine will become red looking, as if blood is in it - but the strong colour is the bilirubin. When these symptoms show, this means liver failure is already very WELL advanced. Dad was becoming exhausted complaining "I just want my energy back" - he didn't want to drive his beloved car or even get out of the car for a breath of fresh air when my mam drove to the beach to let the dog out. He couldn't manage a walk around the block, where as he could 2 weeks before he died. Severe tiredness is also a sign.

 

Then comes acute liver failure, at this stage Dad was becoming a little confused but remained totally lucid - the confusion was very subtle in his case - he'd ask the same question twice in a short space of time and went into the wrong bedroom after getting up for the toilet in the night (though my Mam had just swapped his bedroom to another room earlier that evening, so again subtle signs of confusion).

Eventually my Dad simply became too weak to talk, walk, sleep properly, eat or drink. He went from walking talking eating and drinking to being bedridden writhing in pain, unable to talk in a matter of 4 days. I also think he may have hung on longer suppressing his pain and demise waiting for me to arrive from the USA to see him. He was so brave in the face of it all and considerate to the end, looking pleased saying 'good' when I told him my mam and me were going to have a lie down after 2 days of no sleep the night before he died.

 

His legs were very swollen and so painful to touch he cried out when he was moved. He writhed around a lot unable to get comfortable and clung onto much needed cot sides of the hospital bed. The bed delivered to our home didn't have cot sides so we had to line up two arm chairs against it to stop him from falling out and my mam broke down in tears holding his swollen legs. I forgot to mention that only my mam and I were with him at home during discharge, I am in the third trimester of pregnancy and we were left alone with him at home in a state of discomfort until district nurses arrived at 8pm. Fortunately my uncle who's a GP arrived earlier and helped reposition him - you need 2 able bodied people to move and reposition a 12 stone sick man - you don't realise how much they writhe around into uncomfortable and potentially dangerous positions.

 

A consultant told my mam my Dad was dying on Saturday night but why a Macmillan nurse was not with us to over see his discharge I don't know. Our Macmillan nurse was lovely, but she came after my father passed away - about 30 minutes later. The Monday night before my father's death, he was watched by Macmillan carers NOT qualified nurses. They were lovely women - but it was so close to the end someone should have been on hand to inject him with a pain killer if needs be.

There was a big boo boo with his yellow prescription chart for the drugs administered by the syringe driver - no one took ownership over my Dad's case on the acute care ward at the hospital, and though some staff were exceptional - others were a little clueless tending to talking eating drinking patients in a communal ward, before my dying father in a side room alone with his pregnant daughter. He couldn't talk or eat properly, or drink without a baby's cup being held up to him. Some nurses just didn't use common sense or experience to set their priorities straight.

 

So my advice in short to anyone caring for a patient with a liver secondary which is terminal is:

 

Don't focus on prognosis -there are so many good times my Dad and I had while he had cancer, it didn't stop him from being him and enjoying life until right up until the end really ( I mean 3 weeks before his death).

 

Look out for any signs of liver failure - I mentioned them earlier such as the jaundice etc. When this comes you know the end isn't in the distant future - I'm talking weeks. At this stage be brave and get Macmillan and your assigned nurse as heavily involved as possible.

 

Look out for signs of acute liver failure - severe tiredness, the onset of which seems to happen quickly, very subtle signs of slight disorientation or confusion. It may just be being slower in response to questions or sounding unenthusiastic and a lot quieter than usual on the telephone etc. At this stage go through a checklist of equipment in your mind - you will want your loved one to be comfortable at home at the end and you will need things like:

a baby beaker to drink

straws

oral syringe

A large plastic washing up bowel to fill up with hot water to wash patient in bedside.

New Sponges

At least 3 new sheets for a single bed, patient is most comfortable with thin sheets.

2-3 fitted sheets for a single bed.

Clean towels.

Baby Wipes.

Antiseptic Wipes

Dentyl Alcohol free double layer mouthwash (helps with oral thrush common at this stage) - don't bother with this during the very later stages, you don't want the patient to swallow it.

Pineapple//Orange Juice

Ice-Cream

Favourite Foods

Bottled water Still

Little sponges on sticks to dip in water or pineapple juice to freshen and clean the mouth - district nurses

a bed pan - district nurses provide

catheter tubes - district nurses

Incontinence pads - district nurses

Ask Macmillan social worker about ordering a hospital bed WITH COT SIDES (essential), a commode and table to eat off that hangs over the bed, in advance.

Think about close family members that the patient would take comfort in having bedside for this harrowing experience. Deterioration will last not much longer than a week if acute liver failure sets in - although all patients are different, it's a given that liver failure can be as quick as 48 hours in some cases.

As signs of liver failure progress, to pain and restlessness you will need 2 able bodied adults to be present at all times to reposition and help lift the patient.

If a patient is in hospital or a hospice - you will need 2 able bodied adults to help settle the patient into their home on the day of discharge. If you don't have family or friends suitable for this very personal close experience, contact Macmillan and say you would like a nurse plus at least one carer present. Be pushy and adamant about this - your job is to hold the patients hand and reassure them, otherwise you'll be running round frantically making calls, searching for equipment and struggling to move the patient compromising their lovely of comfort and your precious time with them during their final days.

I'd try to source most of the equipment in private in advance so patient doesn't know, but it's important to have your house well stocked as deterioration can happen overnight and take you by surprise. Also think well in advance about rearranging your house. We didn't want to move furniture until last minute for psychological reasons - we thought my Dad would think we were assuming he was ready to die if we put a bed downstairs too soon. However, I wish we'd moved furniture in advance to make space for a bed, even if the bed wasn't there until later on.

 

Finally, before patient is discharged from hospital the most important drugs are the drugs for the syringe driver. As it is a given that eventually patient will not be able to swallow eventually. The syringe driver drugs are in boxes and they come with a YELLOW PRESCRIPTION CHART WHICH YOU SHOULD PRESENT TO A DOCTOR OR HOSPITAL PHARMACIST TO ENSURE IT HAS BEEN PROPERLY SIGNED OFF FOR (otherwise when you're panicking because patient is in pain and unable to swallow at home, district nurses will not be able to give the drug unless it was signed off for - this could leave a patient in pain for 30 mins or more waiting for an emergency on call doctor to arrive to sign a piece of paper). A high level nurse told me our yellow slip was adequately signed off for in the hospital but it wasn't.

 

It is well worth noting that my Dad was lucid until the end

 

This is such a long post but it's a reflection of just how much there is to coordinate near the end and how important it is to be proactive and anticipate it YOURSELF because Doctors nurses, and MacMillan nurses won't do it for you. They will not spell it out or commit to saying how quick it will be, as yes it's different for the individual. You do not want to be left vulnerable, MacMillan nurses can be really helpful but you need to chase this help, it is not readily available and largely depends upon factors such as how efficient your social worker is and if he/she has good foresight and can handle a busy schedule with an air of control. Beware that YOU will be assessing the situation and making important judgement calls yourself. Make it clear if you don't have home help and demand it, don't be proud.

he could hear but couldn't express himself - of this I'm 110% sure - so make sure you remind nurses, family, friends and any carers of this so they do not talk about death, the 'Liverpool Care Pathway' (which is a system of drugs and procedure regarding not resuscitating patients at deaths door etc) or anything undignified such as patient being unable to go to toilet properly in front of the patient. I'm sure anxiety over death and remaining dignified are 2 key factors during this stage. Anxiety over death/being separated from loved ones to me is worse than anticipation of pain.

 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi Shaz, sorry I only read your reply after replying to Will so didn't put your name on it. It sounds as if you're having a tough time too, I know how exhausting it is. We too are trying to spend as much time with mum in law as possible whilst working full time, so we haven't had chance to speak with the MacMillan nurse or the doctor yet but they do seem to be doing as good a job as they can. I don't think it will be long before we take a day off so that we can meet with them but dad in law is there so it's not so bad.

    We haven't even mentioned a hospice, I'm assuming the doctor will bring this up when/if he thinks it's needed. At the minute mum can get out of bed and into an armchair with help from dad but then she just sits there all day until she goes back to bed in the early evening. When we last saw the doctor at the hospital she did ask if we thought mum might be depressed because she doesn't even have the inclination to read, which she always loved, but mum said she didn't think she was depressed even though she has no interest in anything. Maybe we should ask her again.

    I hope things are as ok as they can be for you - probably a stupid statement but it's hard to find the right words sometimes.

    take care

    Angie

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Dear Shaz

    I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time and I can totally relate to lots of the things that frustrate you.The incompetence of the medical team,the lack of real care(they have so many patients).The not knowing when something awful is going to happen.The watching your once strong independant lively Mum dwindling to a shadow of her former self.Its so hard to bear yet somehow through tears and anger and complete frustration you cope while juggling your own busy life.

    My Mum also had a lot of back?shoulder pain this apparently can be something to do with the liver and the nerves near it.My Mum always put her pains down to everything other than cancer- she would say it was where she had bumped it for example.She hated to admit it was making her ill.

    I think the docs have genuine difficulty in telling 'how long' someone has left.The day before Mum passed(5 weeks ago today)the doc was still talking about August but something happened to speed things up and it happened in 24 hrs.

    Where you and I are different is that my Dad was caring for Mum with very little help even though all that extra help was just about to be instigated.Surely between them they can coordinate things.Have you investigated Marie Curie nurses.You need some peace of mind to know your Mum is being regularly checked.Get on the docs back -its his or her job to be on the ball now.My Mums GP was slack to begin with but at the end was so helpful.

    My only words of consolation to you are that in the very end Mum was peaceful.Your Mum sounds like she is following a similar pattern.Sorry I have no experience of hospice care,we were lucky not to have to go down that route.Ive read some very good things about many places.

    Good Luck Shaz,wish i could help more,its a horrid place to be in and I think it will be tough the next few weeks.Please talk to me whenever -I understand....wish I didnt.

    Love Willx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Dear Angie

    Im glad if I can help in any way.Its just awful to see your Mum go downhill Im sorry.I think its even worse when like our Mums they were so very active its a complete shock.Like Shaz your story reminds me of my Mum as mine was also a great reader but mainly of the broadsheets which she would read from cover to cover.When she became very ill she had no interest whatsoever.She lay in her bed and did get up to sit in the lounge until the last  month when she rarely left the bedroom but she still tried to walk along the corridor to stretch her legs and try to build some strength into them.She always managed the loo and never used the comode that was delivered a few days before she passed.

    Like yours my Mum had a very small appetite and her weight loss was masked by her fluid retention which is a sign of the liver struggling.She tried to eat but really couldnt.

    My Mum developed fluid on her legs about one month prior to passing and it made walking more painful.They gave her diuretics which she hated as it made her goto the loo all the time which was a struggle.To be frank everything was a struggle but Mum battled on hoping for a miracle I guess- we all did.

    I dont know why your Mum hasnt had a scan-maybe ask the doc next time you meet,perhaps its different from my Mums.My Mum was only really offered chemo as a last resort and to be honest it did nothing for her but made her feel worse.

    Its a vile disease and I know you too are going to face a lot of difficult situations in the coming weeks,like I said to Shaz if I can help in any way please let me know.I hope I dont upset you both with my openness about my Mum.There is no preperation but I found the more I knew the more prepared I felt .

    All the best

    love Willx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi all

    I haven't written anything on here for a while, and hope everyone is doing ok. My dad is in the final stages of bowel cancer with secondary lung and liver, and while the nurses and our GP have been pretty good (barring a few mishaps), I am finding so frustrating that no-one can give us an approximate timeline of how long he has... I know they don't like to say so I am wondering if anyone on here can share some experiences? Dad was doing quite well up to a few days ago, pain and nauseau were being managed with the pills. Then at the end of last week he started to go downhill, his feet and legs started swelling and he's been getting severe pain across his middle and down into his legs (the dr thinks from the cancer spreading to the bones). He's now barely mobile, and having to take the maximum pain killers. He's very weak and tired all the time. He's lost  a lot of weight but is still able to eat small meals and seems to enjoy them, but that's partly due to steroids prescribed by the doctor to give him more of an appetite. Sometimes he's a bit out of it too, but I think that is mainly because of the pain killers... He doesn't seem to have jaundice or anything, though his is a bit off colour.

    I am torn between wanting him to stay around forever and not wanting to see him go through this anymore... I thought that the swelling of the legs and pain was a bad sign and might mean that he didn't have long, but reading back through other peoples posts he might go on like this for a month, which makes me wonder how much worse he is going to get. I know everyone on here understands how hard it is to see someone go through this, and I know I will get through it, but sometimes I wonder how me and my family will get through seeing dad like this, let alone poor dad and what he is going through. If anyone has any more information about the final stages, and where my dad might be in it, I would really appreciate hearing it.

    Shaz, I read your post and you had a question about the hospice and how and when to organize that. Our Macmillan nurse has been the liasion for our local hospice, so you might want to talk to your mum's nurse and ask her about it. Our GP also told us last week that if dad wanted to go to the hospice we should contact them now, because they don't always have beds available at our local one, and we'd need to get on the list.

    Best wishes and much love to everyone, hope everyone is bearing up ok,

    Rosiep

     

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hello All

    Ive just come back from a week of visiting my Dad,which was great but very emotional too.Just when I think I have turned a corner I seem to be back at square one.

    Anyway,I hope all your Mums ,Dads and relatives,friends are faring OK.In answer to your question Rosiep,I think they have awful trouble giving a timeline and I know I was desperate to know how long Mum had left.I think it was because I wanted it to be as long as possible but at the same time it was awful to see her in pain,and sadness with the knowledge of what was to come but not knowing what would happen.

    They gave my Mum weeks when she had similar symptoms to your Dad but she died within 24 hours of a doc telling me that, as she took a turn for the worse.I guess as it seems to be so difficult to tell you can only do what you are doing,be there as much as you can as a support.I also know what you mean about finding it all so hard to bear,I did too,but we are strong for them.Its a terrible thing to go through and my heart goes out to all of you as I know how almost unbearable the feeling of sorrow is.

    Sorry I cant be more specific,I do think if my Mum hadnt taken a bad turn she could have been with us for a few more weeks.I have posted on this thread the last 24 hrs ,before that it was just like your Dads swollen legs,no appetite,pain accross the shoulder and middle,sleepiness,lethargy,weakness.I really wish you all the best and hope you are able to cope.

    The same for all of you,all the best for now.

    love Will

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi all

    Thanks for your response Will, I really appreciate it. I hope you are doing ok, and I do feel for you a lot, now knowing how you must be feeling. Hang in there, you are doing great, and I am sure your dad is so glad to have you as support.

    My dad passed on Sunday night in the end. After I posted here last week he deteriorated very rapidly, which was hard to watch, but merciful that he did not have to suffer long. The swelling in his legs and feet started about ten days before he passed, but he was able to move around (albeit slowly and with crutches) till Tuesday. He was pretty good Wednesday and still managed to eat his dinner and have a chat. By Thursday he was starting to get very confused and his pain increased so he had a syringe driver. By Friday and Saturday the nurses kept him sedated most of the time for the pain and because he kept insisting on trying to get out of bed, which he couldn't do because he was so weak and they were worried he would fall over and break something (he already had a pelvic fracture). He also had a catheter at this time. He ate a little on Friday, but by Saturday he didn't want to eat and he was sedated nearly all of the time. When he did wake up he was lucid and told us all that he loved us, but you could also see the pain in his face at what he was having to go through. By Sunday he was completely confused and not recognizing us, and jaundice began to set in. He was sedated all day and slept, before he passed late in the evening. After the sometimes traumatic few days before, his actual passing was peaceful and he was at home in bed with his family around him.

    I am glad that in the end it was a quick decline and dad didn't have to spend too many days going through this, and also that for most of the time he was pretty out of it, so he didn't know much of what was going on. When he did wake up though, while it was wonderful to see him look at us all and try to smile, it was so painful to see the suffering on his face. I won't go into all the details here, but there were some things that were quite traumatic for us as a family to see dad go through. If anyone is worried and wants to know please email me through this site and I'll tell you what to expect.

    The nurses actually came by 15mins before dad passed. We asked them if it would be long and they said they couldn't say, but that it wouldn't be long. I suppose they either really can't tell, or they just don't want to say.

    The district nurses were fantastic and really did the best they could for dad. We also had hospice at home nurse (a local charity) come to sit with us on Saturday night and for a time on Sunday. We also had one for Sunday night but she arrived about five minutes after dad passed, however she stayed and got dad cleaned up and helped my mum with the phone calls. Our Macmillan nurse was also great but she didn't work weekends so we saw her last on Friday.

    While so much of this is still so hard to think about, I know that in many ways we're lucky that dad was able to stay at home and that the nurses were so good. We did have a couple of issues in that twice the nurses did not show up because we had been missed off their visit list. They always gave us a timeframe in which to expect them (say between 6-9pm) and they did in the end tell us that if they had not arrived by an hour or so before the end of the timeframe, that we should call them and remind them.

    We also had trouble getting morphine for dad's syringe driver. While we had been prepared and already had a stock in, it ran out quickly and it was hard to get more in. Being a controlled substance the pharmacies didn't have much in stock, and they couldn't give us what they did have because it was smaller than the amount on the prescription. The pharmacist told us to go back to the doctor and get a prescription for what he did have, and then he ordered the rest for us for the next day. That was a great idea and kept dad going for 24 hours. IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO BE PREPARED ON THE INJECTABLE MEDICATION. ON A SATURDAY AND SUNDAY YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO GET IT, SO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GOOD SUPPLY IN STOCK OR YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF DRIVING EVERYWHERE TO TRY TO FIND SOME.

    Also, the list Jess provided in her original post of things you need was really helpful. We bought everything on the list in advance (without dad knowing) and we did need everything. It was great to have it all there, as we really would not have had time to go any buy everything, and it meant in the end that dad was more comfortable and we were too I suppose, because we could spend more time with him rather than running down the shops.

    Now we are starting the grieving process which is so much harder than I imagined. We've all had months to come to terms with losing dad, but now it's happened I realize that I wasn't as prepared as I thought, because nothing prepares you for the big whole in your life. Anyways, dad was always so positive throughout everything and he told us all many times before he died that he just wanted us all to be happy and get on with our lives, and that he had no regrets about his life and had had a good run (he was 58).

    I will do my best to honor my dads wishes and be positive for his sake.

    I do hope everyone on this thread is doing ok, those who have already lost someone and who will lose someone. All I can say is that it is so hard, but that you will get through it, and all you can do is your best for your loved one--they would not ask any more than that.

    Much love and best wishes to all

    Rosiep

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi Will

    I'm sure you're still being a massive support to your dad and it's good that you've had a week together.  Your posts have been very helpful to me on here, mum in law seems to be fading quite quickly but as you say, it's hard to put a timeline on because everyone seems to be different.  Mum tried to get out of bed last weekend (before then she'd managed to get up every day and into an armchair, even though it took up most of the morning) but she fell and the paramedics had to come and pick her up.  Since then she's hardly been out of bed at all and is sleeping more and more.  When she is awake she's still fairly lucid and we're cherishing those times with her.

    Anyway, take care and I hope things get easier for you.

    Angie

    x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Dear Rosiep

    I am so very sorry for what you and your family have just been through.It is such a terribley traumatic time for you and as you know from my posts 7 weeks on and still struggling a lot.However the real intensity of the days following Mums passing have decreased a little.Like you I thought maybe I would be prepared to lose her but that gap is just too blooming big and you know its always going to be there,but I do believe what people have said to me which is it might not feel so profoundly devastating in the months and years to come.

    You sound like you are coping amazingly well and I wish you all the best with the difficult days ahead.Thinking of you at this very sad time.

    love Will

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi Angie

    Im so glad I can be of any help.Half the time I feel like all I do is moan and be miserable,but I get loads of great advice and support and I think just chatting to those of us who are in the same boat helps tremendously.

    I hope that your mum in law is comfortable.I know how distressing it is to see whats happening to her and I hope that if its going to be soon then its peaceful.I really understand you cherishing those lucid moments.One of my biggest regrets is that on the weekend of Mums passing she wasnt lucid for any lenght of time so I couldnt have a proper chat(we used to do a lot of talking!)So you are definitely doing the right thing by making the most of her time and that really will help you in the next few weeks.

    The timeline thing feels so important,I was desperate to be given a timeline I think in the hope that it would be longer.I honestly think they just dont know when it gets to this stage.I think all the indicators we have talked about point to either weeks or months.I do remember mums doc saying to me it would not be months.Also the symptoms can vary so much.Some people only get jaundice right at the end but my Mumhad it for several weeks mildly to begin with and worsening at the end.Similarily the itching and the fluid on the legs,it got much worse at the end.

    I do hope that you and your family are alright and wish you all the best for your Mum(in law).Thanks so much for your kind words.

    love Will

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Dear Shaz

    Im just wondering how you are.Hope you are coping.

    love Will