Hi,
I wanted to come on here to vent my feelings and to share with someone else who may be going through the same situation as me.
I’m 29 and in december 2020 my dad got diagnosed with cancer in his lymph nodes at the age of 67. 9 months on I still find it difficult to say those words.
He has undergone chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The radio caused sepsis in July 2021- we thought we was going to lose him.
His cancer has now spread to his liver, which leaves him with another session of chemotherapy.
He was a big, strong man with a great sense of humour and loved his family. Now, unfortunately, he is weak, bony, frail, snappy and depressed. He has no patience and I’m worried he will give up his fight.
I’m so sad that’s it happening to him, Angry because it’s not fair. Guilty because there’s nothing I can do to help and fearful I’m going to lose him.
Some days when I think outside the box- I think positive and have hope.
Some days it’s as if I’m in a black hole and can’t get out.
I grieve the person he used to be, is this normal? He’s not gone yet but part of him feels that way.
My poor mum, thinking she’s going to grow old with the love of her life is heartbreaking.
At the moment my dads mood has changed. He has no patience, don’t want to talk to anyone and snaps at any given opportunity. He cannot bare us to cry and gets really angry if we do.
I feel helpless and empty.
if anyone understands what I am going through please speak up. It can be a very lonely time and I find it helpful when someone can relate to me, even if it’s a very sensitive/sad subject.
Also, I would like to ask anyone with cancer going through similar to my dad, how do you prefer your family to act around you? Would you prefer everyone to act the same as before cancer turned your life upside down or do you actually like being asked if you’re ok 500 times a day (my dad definitely hates that!)
Any advice welcome.
thank you for reading
Christie x
Hi . I originally welcomed you and advised you to join this group. I just dropped by and I'm sorry to see that as yet, you've not received any replies to your post. This is a relatively quiet forum and quite often posts go unanswered which doesn't help you when you want answers to your questions.
It can be just as lonely for the family as well as the patient. I can relate to the latter, when I was diagnosed my hubby (of over 40 years) basically shrugged his shoulders and said "It is what it is!" Due to Covid I had to go to all of my treatments alone (Except the op where he had to drive me and pick me up 3 days later) Not once did he give me a reassuring hug and say it'll be OK. Now if he hears me talking about it I'm a drama queen. I got my support from my group on the Macmillan and it was my lifeline. So much so I wanted to give something back and became a Champ.
So you can see it's difficult when anyone gets the cancer diagnosis. Your Dad's probably screaming inside but he feels he's got to portray his normal persona. The best thing to do is talk and discuss what you're feeling. Like you say being asked if you're ok is a definite no-no. No I'm Bl***y well not - I've got cancer. I was 67 when diagnosed out of the blue, no-one in my biological family has ever had cancer. I used to take my hubby when he had his prostate cancer treatments and look around when I was in the waiting room and try and imagine what it must feel like. Little did I expect to be there myself a few years later. (BTW with my hubby's diagnosis - I was in bits - he just shrugged his shoulders - it is what it is!)
Call the Macmillan Support helpline and have a chat, freephone number shown below. You could also join the Emotional support group and talk there.
I'm also going to ask another of our Champs. buttercup01 to pop along and chat to you.
Sending you all the best Christie.
Big hugs, B xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
sending you much love, thoughts and flowers 
