Recently diagnosed

Hi Rich45 

Welcome to our community though sorry to hear about everything you have been through. My experience is different in that it is my wife with cancer but our son was a little bit younger when my wife was diagnosed. My health has not always been the best too and one question my son asked was what would happen to him if I died too - ouch.

We do have quite a good guide on talking to children here and it is worth bringing their school in too so that they get the same message from any of their trusted adults. Often children will notice what is happening and can imagine things much worse that they might really be and sometimes even blame themselves for something they did.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks Steve. I'm sorry for your wife's diagnosis. My kids mum is also very poorly with Lupus and fibromyalgia, so initially that was my biggest fear - my children being left orphans at such a young age and how it would affect them in their future lives, as they are both sensitive souls. I did call the McMillan line to get some advice and they've sent some books out to read together.

So, for now I'm just going to keep on keeping on and trying my best to stay positive, and adhere the advice I've been given.

Much love 

Rich ️

Hi rich . Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I am to also young 37 and my wife is pregnant. And to say so far has been a rollercoaster would be an understatement. I have been diagnosed twice in the last few weeks to which I found out the latest is hereditary so that’s a tough pill to swallow and I should have been getting tested from 10 years old . My care will now to be under guys I am awaiting there call . I currently started ipi/nivo immunotherapy but that is very much subject to change now . As mine is super rare so I’m not sure what way there go 

I'm sorry we meet here.  It sounds like you're just starting treatment now?  From my experience and looking back, the time from investigations, diagnosis until treatment is the worst time.  The waiting and the uncertainty.  I couldn't wait to start immunotherapy.  After I started I noticed I felt better and I got into a grove.  I couldn't wait to get more immuno every 3-4 weeks or go to scans or chat with my onco.  I'm lucky that I had a good response to the drugs and over time it just all came normal routine.  Now, I'd fed up with it all!  Hopefully once you've had a few treatments you should notice a difference and it won't be so uncertain. 

My young people were a lot older when I was diagnosed, 18 and 21 so it was a conversation on a different level to yours at 12 & 8.  But children are very resilient and accept all sorts of situations.  At the end of the day, you're still their Dad.  

Also, I was similarly concerned when and how I would tell the children.  First it was easy to tell no-one for 4 months because we didn;t know anything ourselves re treatment or even the cancer type.  Then my daughter was sitting pre-lims (mock exams) so we left it until after those.  By that time 8 weeks had passed since diagnosis and I had moved along the acceptance/shock/what-happens-next pathway and so that made it easier too.  My husband thought I made the message too soft.! Haha  

Hi Kyle,

I'm so sorry for you and your loved ones. I completely relate to it being a rollercoaster alright. 

I will say this - guys are fantastic at what they do. It's all about holding onto the little thing now.

May love and strength be with you my friend ️

Hi Mmum, sorry for your diagnosis. I think the not knowing enough at present makes things difficult, so I'm hoping when we know a bit more of what we are dealing with, then we can plan where to go from there. 

I was different in regards to telling people. Almost like having that information to contend with was too much for me to deal with and I needed to offload, but a lot of this could be to do with my brain damage.

Love and strength to you all through this ️ 

Thank you , I hope they contact me sooner rather than later . As this whole process has been a lot more unknowing than being in the know . Which is of course the worst part .