How to control depression and anxiety whilst on chemo

Hi Anan,

I’m really sorry to read what you are going through. 

First of all, I wanted you to know that you are not alone. Depression and anxiety are sadly not uncommon after a cancer diagnosis. It might not practically help you to know others are facing the same, but i hope it gives you some comfort that you are not alone.

The best thing I have found in the past 4 years is distraction. You need to force your mind to focus on something else. If you’re well enough, physical exercise is great. If you can’t do that, then something which occupies your brain is a good idea - I took up writing, it was brilliant for me, the act of writing was a distraction in itself and at the same time it allowed me to get thoughts out onto the page which in turn helped me to process them. Others do other hobbies - eg, knitting, gardening, baking, whatever really, it just has to be something you enjoy and something active rather than passive (eg, listening to music or watching a movie are ok, but are limited in effectiveness because they are passive).

You also have to stop your brain from what I call tunneling - that is over-thinking and over-focusing on one particular thing. I liken it to the “what’s the point” train and I imagine myself stood on the platform of a station and I can see it pulling into the station. I ask myself why would I want to get on that train? I know where it goes, why would I want to do that to myself? So here, forceful distraction is so important - you have to drag yourself away from the platform edge, get immersed in something else that will take your attention, and more often that not, when you look up next, the train has left the station.

These are short term fixes. For the longer term, it might also help to consider talking therapies? I would imagine that at your age, there are a lot of things you’ll need to work through emotionally, and these can allow you a safe space to do that with some highly skilled people.

I really hope the above helps. Sorry, I don’t have lymphoma (I have another blood cancer myeloma) but I have a lot of experience in mental health problems and I saw your post and wanted to help as much as I could.

Greg

Hi Anankata , a great reply from my friend Greg. I was diagnosed with my Non Hodgkins Lymphoma in 1999 and over these 20 years I was fortunate not to suffer any real anxiety or mental issues so Greg’s advice is gold.

I think my wife and I went into it thinking this will go two ways...... ‘it will get me or I will get it’

The treatment side of things was in the hands of my team - out of our control..... but the battle between my ears was in our hands.

Be encouraged that the treatment of HL is very effective so ‘try’ and see this as a short, unwanted part of your life you need to just get through through.

((hugs))

Hi Anan,

you've had two great replies already, and I do understand, though it was our daughter who had HL, however as a professional musician she actually did resort to her music, which is her hobby and her love as well as her work and profession! I’ve had breast cancer since, and I agree that you really do need something to help find a ‘norm’ that you can pursue and relate to, which absorbs you physically, subjectively and emotionally. For me it has been walking which has got me out into the countryside and helped rebuild my stamina after my surgery (had to have it repeated 30 hours later as I had bled internally) 

for those ABVD six months daughter happened to be performing in the touring musical ‘Chicago’ and the band got used to her returning every other week to wherever they were, with less and less hair, more and more pallid but still feeling ok (she said) but increasingly tired and in greater need of rest. But it really did keep her going! In fact her consultant and medical team agree with her that her music has helped keep her alive. 

There is an awful lot to cope with, especially for a Hodgkin’s patient who tend usually to be young, so the psychological side really does need to be understood. Your specialist nurse might be able to help you here, but as Mike says, the ‘battle between the ears’ is something which occasionally needs outside help like a ‘talking therapy’ or counselling. Admitting to depression is a big part of getting help, an antidepressant medication may well help get you through, but will take a couple of weeks to begin to help so be aware....

keep posting, as sometimes simply the act of typing everything down, or writing your own journal might well help you.

sending a big hug xxx

Hiya, so sorry you are going through this at such a young age, well any age to go through it is hideous. I had stage 4 hodgkins and finished 6 months of abvd chemo on June 13th. I honestly wasn't sure how I could get through it at points but found having little goals to reach on the chemo hell journey really helped me...by this I mean aiming to get to the interim pet scan, then getting to the half way line after that double figures then the countdown to the end. It isn't nice and I had some really dark days but I pulled myself out of bed everyday, even if it was to just sit in the garden and I found it helped. Keep talking to people and try to do normal things when able to to out with friends shopping or for a meal. I spent an absoulute fortune on clothes online when I was going through chemo, regret it now lol but it helped at the time. Don't be hard on yourself and try to go with the flow as much as possible. You'll be back on your feet before you know it and enjoying life to the full. Stay strong and take care of yourself.xx

Hi Greg 

Thankyou so much for your help, i really appreciate your reply its helped me a lot. I definitely will start to consider what you are suggesting. It is really hard to accept the part of my hair falling out... I just had a huge huge ball of hair come out today and it made me very upset and has lowered my confidence more and more each day I loose the hair. I have been trying really hard to focus on different thoughts, sometimes its so hard to be distracted and I start to think its almost impossible to forget what is going on, but I will continue to try. I am so sorry to hear you have cancer too, how many treatments are you going through? like how many months of chemo do you need to do?

Thanks again, your post was really helpful.

Hi Mike 

You're very right, I am glad that HL is very curable. The pain of everything is just hard though but I will try my best to get through this with positivity.

Thanks so much for your comment 

hugs

Hi Moomy

Thankyou for your reply, wow I am sorry to hear about what you and your daughter went and are going through. That is so good that music helped her to get through it all. I play piano but finding the motivation recently has been near to impossible..will try to get back into it.

Thankyou for helping me out. I hope you and your daughter are doing well..

big hugs x

Hi again, the hair falling out thing is such a visual reminder that you are going through cancer treatment....... but it is only for a short time and in all of this see it as just one part of the journey to get through this. I lost my hair three times so came to the conclusion that hair products were overrated.

Being positive helps but that does not take away the rubbish parts, so it’s how you deal with these is important.

I post this from time to time, where I stay we are surrounded by mountains so I like the visual side of this.

I see the cancer journey to be like a climb up a craggy Scottish Mountain.

These Mountains have well trodden paths with little cairns (stones on stones) put up by the many folks who have walked these paths before us.

At each cairn the path divides in two - these are the points of decision - like..... “How we deal with side effects.....?” “The mental and physical challenges.....!!”  “The picking our selves up 'again' times......!!” “It’s scan time again....!!” “How can we move on...?”

We do have to look very carefully at where each track will take us. Do we knuckle down and tough it out and keep climbing up or do we take the low path and keep going round the hill and not reaching the summit...... not seeing that view for the first time.

When you look at the cairns they are always just on the tracks that will lead to the top. So each stone that is put on the cairns is a "yes I can do this" decision......... keep putting the stones on the 'yes' cairns....... and every now and then have a look back down the hill and see the starting point and all the little cairns on the paths you have taken. The further you move on, the past looks very small and fuzzy at the edges.

If you keep walking the low paths you will see stones left at the side of the track where that hope and dream was lost.

((hugs))

Hey Dkh 

Yeah at any age it would be awful..Congratulations for getting through 6 months of chemo.. that is incredible. I can sort of relate to that because I have been getting feelings of wanting to online shop for clothes ahah as a way to make me get through it all. Thankyou for your advice it means a lot to me to hear other peoples stories. I will try to stay strong as much as I can..

x

Hey there 

Yeah its been hard for me to deal with loosing my hair, I never thought in my life that I would ever be going through this ever. I have had such big confidence issues in my life and this has knocked me down even further, I thought it wasn't possible to be this insecure about myself but it gets worse everyday. My boyfriend has been really amazing at helping me a lot to stay positive, but everyday I do have a cry or two.. it helps that I have him but now I am so shy for when I completely loose my hair because no woman wants to look unattractive infront of their partner you know? ...so that is really bringing me down, but I am trying so hard to let go and deal with it and know that whatever I look like we still will have the most amazing connection with each other that goes further than just my hair.but its just hard for me because I become shy and insecure with a low confidence about myself. 

I feel ashamed and embarrassed about how I look when I wake up. And that is the honest truth about how chemo has affected me. 

However, I really like the idea of what you're saying in order to stay positive, I am so grateful for your help. You have really helped me to see a different perspective of this..so Thankyou, I am going to change my mind set from now on, and think of it as climbing a mountain.

hugs