Hi everyone,
I'm really struggling, I have Terminal Squamous Cell Carcinoma larynx. My consultant has said the cancer has progressed and I could bleed out anytime and they won't be able to save me.
I feel so tired all the time and I haven't got much energy.
I have been aspirating on food and drink. I cannot eat or drink anymore, everything has to go through my peg feed now.
I also have other complex medical conditions which cause dislocations and severe pain all over my body. I am in a wheelchair most of the time. I don't go out anywhere apart from the hospital.
I'm so scared of dying, I'm only 51. I feel like a ticking time bomb, I don't know what day will be my last.
I have no support at all. I used to have support from district nurse's, but they don't bother to support me anymore, they told me that they haven't got time. I do have a carer come for an hour in the morning and 45 minutes at tea time, but they haven't got time to talk and I have a different carer every day.
I have major trust issues and find it hard to talk to people. I was abused from being a baby and throughout my childhood and I suffered domestic and mental abuse until I was 34 years old by one of my parents.
I haven't any family or friends. The friends I thought I had have all disappeared as soon as they found out I had cancer. My wife is suffering with her mental health and cannot support me at all. I keep asking myself why am I here? I feel like I'm sitting here just waiting to die. I feel so alone and isolated.
