Mum is sleeping all the time

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Hi I’ve tried finding my old post but I can’t , I’m just panicking a lot my mum is sleeping all day … she did decide to have no treatment so I know we only have months , she is supposed to be coming to stay with me Wednesday I have two children and I work I’m just worried how I’m going to look after her and cope I feel Ill with stress already I also suffer with health anxiety and this diagnosis has really tipped me over the edge …. Who do I ask for help ? I don’t even know where to start , do I need help yet ? She is just sleeping all the time ? I don’t know how long she has I’m scared 

  • Hi Shirley

    Sorry to read about your Mum...and the stress its causing you.....Clinical Nurse Specialist/Macmillan should be able to help....contact by phone/email... details should be with Mum's meds?

    Take care

    Peter

  • Hi Shirley

    This is a really hard time for you and your mum.I am so sorry. You really need some help and not try to do all this alone. As Peter has said contact Macmillan as they will be able to give you advice as to where and what help you can get.

    When you have further info from them is it possible to speak to your boss at work and arrange some personal time off to help get things organised for your mum ? I have helped care for both my Mum and Dad at different times when they were very frail and at the end of their lives. In the end it became too hard to physically manage them at home and sadly my brother and I had to organise some specialist care for them at a nursing home. Although this was not any of our preferred outcomes it was necessary as the actual physical care was too much to manage at home for us. They both had to be hospitalised for a time one after a fall and the other after a medical event and this precipitated the need for nursing home care.  However you can get palliative help at home so that is definitely worth looking into. In the end both my parents were only in the nursing home a very short time thankfully. I couldn't feel guilty about either of them going to the nursing home as I know that my brother and I did as much as was humanly possible to keep them at home and that neither of us had the expertise or ability to care for them at home any longer.

    Reach out for the help you need. I am thinking of you at this sad and difficult time.

    Lyn

    Sophie66

  • Hi I’ve tried finding my old post but I can’t

    Hi   it’s here Waiting for results of tongue biopsy for mum 

    I think it’s time to contact your GP to find what hospice care is available. You can havehospice at home to fill in the gaps when you aren’t at home. How old are your children? 

    Dani 

    Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

    I wrote a blog about my cancer. just click on the link below 

    https://todaymycoffeetasteslikechristmasincostarica.com 

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

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  • Hi they are 11 and 13 when I say mum is sleeping all the time - I mean she is still waking up but she’s sleeping a lot ya know , I’m going to see mum today and she’s meant to be coming home with me Wednesday but I haven’t even got her a bed yet it’s coming tomorrow. I’m going to phone GP today I want to know that something in in place for when mum is too poorly and needs to be somewhere ya know I don’t know what I’m doing I’m just winging it …. I didn’t mean to make my post sound like she’s unconscious because she isn’t just a lot of sleeping x

  • Yes I plan to do this today I’m going to phone GP too x

  • I think you are doing a wonderful thing bringing her into the family. The kids will cope just fine. 
    My mother in law is in her own home in a similar situation. At the moment she is coping with the extended family popping in but she will need care soon. She wants to stay at home. 

    Dani 

    Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

    I wrote a blog about my cancer. just click on the link below 

    https://todaymycoffeetasteslikechristmasincostarica.com 

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

    Community Champion badge
  • I have just emailed my GP as needed new meds for mum amazing how quickly morphine runs out - I know that I probably won’t have mum here until the very end so I have asked that a referral be put into the hospice for when the time comes I don’t know how it works but hopefully someone will call me back and advise on that , it’s really hard with mum I don’t know what’s happening she is managing small bits of soup and is drinking the nutrition milkshakes but she is dozing/sleeping all day I don’t know whether that means we are close ? I suppose no one knows ? I don’t know xx

  • Having experienced the hospices a number of times - most recently for my mother in law 8 weeks ago - I can totally recommend them.  They will either provide  what is called hospice at home and/or final care as an inpatient.  There are 2 really good things about hospices a) they will put your mum at the centre of very personalised and compassionate care and b) they will also focus on you and the family and the support you will need.

    As to the sleeping and small amounts of food/water that would suggest to me that her body is starting to shut down.  Most times it is not a sudden process and may take many days.  Make the most of your time with Mum and maybe reflect with her on happy memories so you both face the inevitable end with the comfort that it has been a life well lived.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Peter
    See my profile for more details of my convoluted journey
  • I did think this , she is starting to shut down and that process can take weeks or days can’t it ? I’ve spoken to macmillan and my own GP today they assured me that home hospice or hospice is only a call away …. Gp also said to let mum have the morphine as and when she wants it , has this been your experience? We’ve had a hard day today trying to sort out mums wishes ect and trying to get them written down properly , I’m incredibly stressed 

  • Sorry you are stressed, but I do understand what you are going through.  I am glad that you are sorting out your Mum's wishes; that will give you comfort that you are doing what she wants.

    No harm will come by using the morphine - you will just ease her pain.  Often they may use a syringe driver to make it easier to administer.  Alternatively you could ask for some opioid slow release patches to keep down the background pain and then use morphine to hit it when it breaks through.

    I am on the patches and used Oxycodone (similar to morphine but stronger) when I needed it.  All of that is part of post treatment recovery.

    Many of us also find paracetamol really good.

    I would try to get the hospice to come in ASAP, please don't wait until it becomes a crisis.  They are experts in pain relief, much more so than the GP.

    Peter
    See my profile for more details of my convoluted journey