I passed my 16 weeks post treatment milestone on Friday, so thought I'd send a little update. I noticed lots of people joining the forum at the start of their diagnosis / treatment. The wonderful people on this forum who have walked the path ahead of me were a great help, and continue to be, so I hope in a little way this can give hope when you are struggling.
Had my PET CT Scan three weeks ago now, my MDT meet on a Monday, so allowing for any delays they should have either reviewed my scan last week or today. My consultant did warn me that if there is nothing to worry about then they may not discuss with me until my next clinic on 18 August, which feels an eternity away. I have told myself that if I get to the end of tomorrow without a call then to assume it is good news. I feel well, better than I have in years, so am hoping that is the case.
I am free of most of meds. In fact the only cancer related prescriptions now are for oral care, which I need to keep using for some time. Thankfully my arthritis medication is making a difference and I have my hands and feet back, so I am more able to do things around the house. Both of these combined also mean I am sleeping much better. I am able to wear my wedding ring again for the first time in five months, I didn't realise how much not wearing it had upset me.
Still struggling with food, mostly having to eat enough rubbish to keep my calorie count up so I can have my PEG removed. I have gone off so much and still can't face onions, garlic or potatoes for some unknown reason. I am still topping up with Ensure, taken orally. Each week I do manage something extra though. Recent breakthroughs have included crusty bread, without the crust (?!) but with lashings of butter, corn on the cob, a mild curry, and even some salad dressings to add flavour - homemade with only a hint of vinegar. I am used to the little blisters in my mouth if I have pushed it a little too far, but mouthwash and Caphosol after a meal see these vanish within an hour.
I made it back to work for three weeks before the summer holidays. It was lovely to see colleagues and students again, even though none of them recognised me. Thanks to an afternoon nap, courage and knowing everyone had tested negative for Covid I made it to 6th form Prom. The morning was farcical trying on dresses. Having lost weight there were some of my favourites that fit again, only to realise I couldn't wear them as my weight loss means I no longer fit my strapless bra! I eventually found a combination that worked. It was lovely to see my students, some I have tutored for seven years and some I have taught for five. I literally ran out of one of their lessons back in December when I got the call. There were a few wet eyes, but positive ones. I needed to see them and say goodbye, but they needed to see me to know their school mum was OK, and that you can beat cancer. My phased return is over the whole year, so I am lucky that whilst I am hoping to be in every day there is no pressure on me.
I am driving again now that I am no longer drowsy on morphine and loving my independence. We've had some fantastic longer walks along the local canal networks with the dog. Just spending quality time with my husband, friends and family is so precious.
I still have my odd teary moment. The anniversary of my mum's death from cancer was tougher than ever, I have never felt her presence so much in the past 38 years as I have this year. But I am working on this with the help of a fantastic counsellor arranged through Macmillan.
Trying to keep busy over the holidays, mentally eat least. When I stop I think a little too much. Got some great reading lined up, jobs around the house to do (emptying and then re-stocking my wardrobe for one), friends and family to see. I also hope to get up to date with my blog. Just posted another section to, although this is the grim one looking at the impact of treatment on my body. I have a few more sections to complete before the end of the holidays. I have found it very cathartic and would recommend it. I haven't done it week by week or even month by month as I didn't feel like committing to something regular, instead I have looked at different stages / experiences.
All in all, I feel pretty good, as the title to the post says, like I have turned a corner. Looking back to April I have come so far, I lost sight of it at times and the good folk on here and my CNS helped me regain perspective on it.
Wishing you all well, whichever stage you are at.
Take care all, Ronnie
HPV+ SCC Right Tonsil, T1N2M0
Tonsillectomy & biopsies 7 Jan 2021, 6 chemo, 30 radiotherapy completed 2 April 2021
Hi your story was beautiful. Felt the tears for you onwards and upwards best wishes 
