Fear of it coming back.

Hi Ray, I think that's normal to have those worries now and again. I also suffer with dry mouth and sometimes have a sore/strange throat similar to feeling I had when I first went to the GP. I thinks it's good to be aware of anything that's not feeling feeling quite right or different and monitor it. It's not always obvious that God forbid it returns as I had no outward signs eg: swollen lymph nodes and was being closely monitored so thought all was well. I did however cough up blood and took a photo to show the consultant who didn't seem unduly worried by it as I'd recently come off a trial and I think they put it down to side effects of that as it did give me sores in my nose which sometimes bled a little.

On my next check up the nasal scope revealed the cancer had returned unfortunately!

Do you always have the scope on your check ups?

My advice would be to listen to your body and keep an eye on even small changes making a note and telling your team. 

Wishing you all the best

little-fi 

Hi Ray,

Rampant hypochondria is part of life now for me, I'm afraid.  It has lessened with time, simply because every time I feel something odd (particularly in the early days following treatment) I have gone to see someone to get their opinion, and that has helped me to calibrate what is something to worry about and what I can safely ignore.  When I think back to all the times I had sore throats or odd pains before I had cancer, I barely paid them any attention except to alleviate the symptoms until they went away.  Now, my first thought is, 'what if...?', followed by a mental slap round the face and the compromise thought which is to wait for two weeks and then if it hasn't sorted itself out, I can go and see someone about it.  Now that I'm aware of it and have a plan of action, it doesn't seem so bad.

Best wishes,

Josie

I didn't think of it coming back (I probably did but just dismissed it), I just took it that anything that could go wrong would be picked up by all the visits I was making to the Consultant my Dentist and also the many visits to Restorative Dentistry. Saying that when I first came on here it did start to niggle a bit but I think I have that sorted now. After the year or so I have been on here it is very rare for it to come back and I believe usually sorted.

Hi, little-fi. Yes I do always have the scope up the nose on my check ups, which is very reassuring.

Sorry to hear that your cancer did return, I hope you are doing alright now. Best wishes Ray.

Thanks for your replies JosieFromGlastonbury and Ron51, it's good to know we all have the same worries. Regards Ray.

Hello Ray

I could have written the same post about worries myself when I was at the same stage of recovery as you.  For me the worry has gone away over time but I've needed help to get there.

Around that time I joined a local support group.  We're a mixture of patients recovering from a variety of cancers.  I'm the only Head & Neck one at the moment, but we often have very helpful talks about emotional issues which everyone can relate to.  A regular talk is given on the subject of worry of reoccurrence, which is followed with some really good coping strategies.  You are definitely not alone in your feelings because there is never a person in the room who hasn't felt the same way at some point. 

I often recommend a book called "The Cancer Survivor's Companion"  by Goodhart & Atkins.  I've read it so many times that I instantly recognised exactly where the nurse giving this talk got her material from.  It starts at the top of page 39 in the paperback edition I've got.  There are sample pages available to read for free on the internet but they only go up to page 18 unfortunately.  

Best wishes xx

Hi, Margaret853, Thanks for your input, I did hope the worries would go with time it is good to see they do.

I have been to a head and neck survivors meeting at the local hospital, where there were people in different stages of recovery, which was very helpful. 

Regards Ray.

Given this quite a bit of thought today and in all honesty I'm pretty sure I can say that I've never really been worried about it coming back; that's not to say I've not considered the possibility that it might, I think I'm just fatalist about it; what will be will be and there's nothing I can do about it so why worry?

That's never actually been a rational thought through approach for me though, it's just happened.

Slightly off the subject but I think the two are connected as far as mentality is concerned; pre-cancer I was careful with money, not to Scrooge levels but I was always mindful of providing for a comfortable retirement. Now I'm much more relaxed about it, we take more holidays and I don't get overly stressed if the car faces a big bill or we have to (again) help out one of the kids. I don't know if subconsciously I think (with no good reason to suggest it may be true) that my life expectancy is now shorter, or whether it's because I've "dodged a bullet" and have extra time so might as well live it to the full.

Interesting, maybe I need to see a therapist to find out what goes on in my brain that it doesn't tell me about...ha.

Hi, Mike, no therapist is needed, it's a great answer, I too take a lot of things in my stride now, more so than before.

Regards Ray.

I agree with Ray and Mike.  I take things a lot more in my stride now and worry much less.  I just work enough hours to pay my bills now and turn down any overtime, whereas beforehand I would jump at any work offered.  I am definitely more assertive now.  Before cancer I wasn't able to refuse to look after my neighbour's horrible flea ridden cat, or attend some dreary fete for a charitable cause I didn't believe in.  Nowadays I seem to be able to put myself first and that makes me very happy!