Confidence and Lack of Trust in Your Body

Hi Nick. I don;t have the answer to your question, but I can sympathise with your feelings and have my own, slightly barking suggestion, which you can take or leave. Firstly I completely get the being in pieces thing prior to a scan result - its a normal human response to fear you might be getting bad news, so you worry. The way I was told to deal with it, is to remind yourself that it is far more likely to be good news - so spend an equivalent time dwelling on how you will react to the good news, how great that will feel. 

The mood swings are another thing - bound to happen after you’ve been through so much - the ups and downs, the many things to worry about, you don’t know what’s coming next or what the future holds. But don’t lose faith in your body - hasn’t it just brought you back from a horrendous period in your life to the much improved state you are in 8 months on? Celebrate how far you’ve come. I too had loads of angst, anxiety, resentment and fear for my future. I decided enough was enough recently - so I took a friend’s advice to sign up for a Mindfulness course. I would have called it voodoo in the past. But it’s making a ridiculous difference to my life. I’m suddenly sleeping better, less stressed, happier and worrying so much less. If you’re feeling ready, look up a few things about Mindfulness online and give it some thought. It might not be the right time for you, but I can thoroughly recommend it, as better than anything my Head & Neck have suggested over the last year or so. I hope you have good news and I sincerely hope you can get out of your current mindset.  Wish you good luck Nick,

Hilary

Hi Nick

I recognise those feelings very well and I suspect a lot of others will too.  I was discharged by my Consultant last year after 5 years of check ups.  The anxiety I felt before those check ups never went away but it definitely did lessen each time.  

You do lose faith and trust in your body.  I used to get fretful at the slightest tiny symptom and my immediate reaction was always that there was something seriously wrong with me.  I remember getting terrified once when I got a headache as it's something that I rarely get.  I did speak to my Medical Team about it and they were very kind and understanding.  Slowly they helped me learn what needs reporting to them and what doesn't.  However I must admit to still getting the odd panic now and then over some minor problem.

I was told mood swings are a common side effect after treatment.  I struggled with them for quite a while.  Like everything else they did get better in time.  

Hilary has given you some fantastic advice and I would completely agree with her suggestion of Mindfulness.  I was sceptical about it too but it definitely has helped me a lot.  Another thing I would like to recommend is a book called "The Cancer Survivors Companion".  It's all about dealing with your emotions after treatment and I found it very helpful. 

Best wishes

Margaret

Hi there, I think what has helped my husband a lot is that from very early days the consultant has stated that if husband himself is not aware of any problems then it is very unlikely that the check-ups will reveal anything. I hear what you say about the initial illness 'creeping up'; but precisely because you are now so aware of every little thing you will almost certainly be the first to know if anything is going wrong again. In fact, our consultant does not give MRIS or other scans as a standard part of the check-ups, so there is never that feeling of waiting for results and the big unknown. Husband does get a bit nervous on the day of the check (and the first couple of times was worse), and hates going back to the hospital, but the experience is not overwhelming for him. I guess that we see it more as 'confirming what we already believe - husband is still healthy' rather than a process which could reveal things we are unaware of.

He is now on to 6 monthly checks, with probably only 3 more to go before we hit the 5 year mark..

Hi, Nick. Hilary and Margaret are both very good with their advice, and once again they have both hit the nail on the head on how many of us feel. The whole journey with this terrible disease is full of ups and downs, from diagnosis, treatment to recovery. Try to embrace the ups and hopefully the downs will not last too long. You will get there in the end like many here have. This is a great forum with many great people willing to give advise where they can, never be afraid to ask. All the very best to you and all on the forum.

Regards Ray. 

Hi Nick,

sorry to hear that you are currently going through this stage of your journey at the moment. I can only assure you that most of the varied and wonderful stages on the route back after your cancer are temporary and you will emerge on the other side stronger and wiser...wellll...maybe not that much wiser in my case.

Try and keep a sense of proportion and humour along the way. I used to say to my wife and sons “ Drew, cancer survivor “ lol because any time you hear it on the telly that’s what they say “ *&£#@(* , cancer survivor “  don’t let that be what defines you.

Stay strong, I used to start my day by twisting my peg to keep it clean in the shower and telling cancer to “ F*** off” used to get me ready for whatever interesting and exciting variations cancer was going to make to my day.

Stay strong mate.