Husbands new diagnosis

Hi sorry you’ve found yourself on here but welcome to our community. We’re a small friendly bunch. I was the patient all I can say is my hubby did everything for me which left me free to concentrate on treatment. He took charge of my meds my feeds drove me everywhere. Listened to my rants and some days I wasn’t pleasant to him but he never said a word. What I will say is take time out for yourself if only meeting a friend for a coffee I made John go out every other day which gave us both a bit of space. Feeling scared and frighten is natural the fear if the unknown. Stay with us will try to help once you’ve hit a treatment plan we can tailor our answers. 
hugs 

Now you’ve found us stay with us  

I’m trying to think if someone with similar cancer I’ll pop in if I can find someone I’ve not heard of cricoid cancer  

Hazel 

Twace said:

How can I support my husband whilst feeling frightened and scared myself?

H. Another welcome from me. The answer to this isn’t simple and at the moment it feels like you are staring into the abyss. Things become clearer when your husband gets a treatment plan and you both have something to focus on. Not knowing spirals into every possible dark scenario. 
Your husband will know you are frightened. He will know that you probably wish this was happening to you instead of him.  At the moment all you can do is hold yourselves.

Macmillan has a carers group too. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers-only-forum

You can connect with other carers once you know where you are. That might help. 
Do you have a Maggie’s near you  They are there for anybody affected by cancer. They provide an excellent service and if you can drop in it would give you a chance to chat in person 

Stay with us  There is always someone around to talk to 

Thank you so much. Knowing we are not alone in all this will help.

Glad you are through your treatment and living life.

Your husband sound amazing 

Thank you. 

Like you say, I think once we know a treatment plan we will then be able to focus its just the not knowing at the moment.

At present all we know is t4n2p16 positive...Waiting results of ct scan from today if any spread 

Wil try and stay and positive 

Thank you , yes a stoic Yorkshire lad in his words. The first videos at bottom of my post shows his story if you want to look  John says it as it was. P16 denotes hpv driven which st the moment a lit if hnc are hiv tumours which have a good furs ears. 
Hazel x

Twace said:

Your husband sound amazing 

You will be amazing too. 

Hello and welcome from me.  I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but hope you also find some comfort and support from this group.  I personally believe that partners/family have a harder time than the patient.  At least when I was undergoing treatment I had a degree of control.  My wife was "just along for the ride".  I do not mean that in a any disingenuous manner, just that she had to react to what was happening to me as best as she could and had little input into my day to day treatment and had to see my suffering as time went on.

As a thought...  how about talking to some of your colleagues to help you explore your own feelings and find some techniques that may help you?  Often and outside view on our emotions can help rather than us compartmentalising them.

PFJTHS said:

just that she had to react to what was happening to me as best as she could

 Twace 

I  think the ladies here have a tough time. The nurturing female nature takes its toll. 
My husband just put his head down and carried me when I needed carrying,  cajoled kicked my backside when I faltered and gave me space when I needed it. 
Later on I asked him how he felt and whether he feared he would lose me. He said he took each day as it came and knew I would pull through. There was no point in torturing himself thinking otherwise. 
Im sure that if the boot had been on the other foot my heart would have broken for him and for myself. 

Thank you all...your words and kindness are a comfort xx

You will get great support on here, the people on here are literally amazing i call my heroes and family. 

 I have neck cancer and bladder cancer at same time and my partner Melanie has been my rock , she keeps me positive so as hard as it is to deal with try and keep your husband positive as well as yourself and take each day. I never Google anything and i always come here for advice from these amazing people. 

Take care x