Hi

Hi Leisi and welcome  

You’ve had a heck of a ride. As you say the treatment is bad enough without having a comorbidity to make it worse. 
Well done for getting through. 
This community has plenty of people who do know what it’s like. 
Cancer anxiety is rubbish. 3 years on I still suffer. I try to keep busy. At first I wrote a blog linked below but I’ve largely given that up and keep a diary. Not of how I feel but how the world around me changes and what I see. Photos words poems pressed plants… that sort of thing. Something creative that I can look back on without actually having to re endure a litany of symptoms. 
There is an excellent article by a clinical psychologist about post cancer. It might be worth a read

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Have you a Maggie’s centre near you? That might be worth dropping into. Their motto is along the lines of finding the joy in life not the fear of death. It’s hard but it has to be the way to go. 
I must admit that trying to prop up others in the same boat as me has been therapeutic too. It’s one of the reasons I’m here to be truthful. 
I hope your recovery continues and best wishes 

Another thing I’d like to add is that you can’t put it out if your mind completely. I certainly can’t but I have learned to not punish myself for my anxiety. It is what it is. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply  I really appreciate it. I'll have a look at the link and see what's available locally. The medics are brilliant at sorting out the physical so I need to help myself. Thank you again.  

Hi Leisel. Welcome to our community group. As Dani has said you’ve had a long ride but you’ve come through this snd now it’s your time. I am quite lucky I can honestly say I don’t stress about the what ifs. My hubby and I have always had the same motto one life live  it. So that’s what we do.  Saying that 3 years after I’m still around on here and other sites helping others. We travel to Spain I ride my bike yes 64 in Lycra . I fully intend to try and grow older disgracefully!!!. I’ve just had my yearly check up with oncologist and now on 6 monthly ones with ent. Stick around on here it may help you to know you’re not alone. 
Hazel xx

Thank you Hazel.   

Hi Leisl and welcome to the forum.  I'm glad you've found us as it can be a great help being in contact with others who understand. I found your post quite poignant - you've been through a lot but you're still striving to be positive.

I suppose I'm like Hazel in that I don't dwell on the what ifs but try to accept what I can do, albeit frustrating that I'm unable to do as much as I'd like to.  I realise that I can't change anything about the past or do anything about the future other than keep myself as fit as I'm able, remain vigilant and live my life in a new way.

I do find it frustrating when people tell me how well I look as that's all they can see and understand but I know they mean well.

I like the Maggie's centre motto that Dani quoted - to find the joy in life not the fear of death.  It's quite true.

I hope you can find a support group local to you but we're also here if you need us.

All the best.

Linda x

Thank you so much Linda.

I agree with you that head and neck cancers tend to be a bit of a forgotten cancer, getting nowhere near the media profile of breast or bowel cancer, for example.

I suppose one reason is that those cancers are more common, but it isn’t helpful that there is so little coverage of head and neck cancers, not least because not everyone knows what symptoms to look out for as they do for breast or bowel cancer.

One benefit of this forum is that we do get some recognition, discussion and support for head and neck cancers.

And I entirely empathise with the worry of cancer returning. It probably is at the back of my mind all the time. But I have some things to look forward to - my first grandchild expected soon - and I’m just grateful to be around to enjoy those things.

Hi Leisl

Welcome to the forum, but sorry why you are here. I had cancer diagnosed in  2009 and several more episodes since initial diagnosis. I am sorry that you too have had to deal with more occurrences of this and you have had such a tough time. Good to know you are in recovery, I wish you well.

It takes us a great deal of strength both physically and mentally to get through cancer treatments - as it is said treatments are tough. It will take us time to work through all this as we know.

When cancer has happened again to me I just went through all the same emotions as before. After treatments and  recovering, when people said to me your doing well, I would think if only they knew how fragile I feel and what it is taking me just to try to get on with my life.

It always has taken time to work through my recoveries. I would then start putting cancer aside and  back to living again. I have never been able to put it out of my mind but learnt to live with it. Time is a great healer. I understand the anxiety you feel and uncertainties. For me how I cope, over the years  I have just learnt to live with my cancer episodes and have become  sort of stoic like, something I never thought I would be.

Yes for sure you can get back to enjoying life. I have learnt to live in more of the  moment and appreciate what I have. Doing the things I am able to enjoy I found are a great distraction and help my well being and keep me going.

Joining forums like this are really good as we are the ones experiencing cancer  and know how we all feel and what helps us.

Best wishes 

Nicky

Thank you Nicky  much appreciated.