Another unexpected issue, last week of treatment

Hi Acornette

My hubby is the strongest man I have ever known. Your dad sounds like an amazingly strong man too. It was me that pushed the anti depressants but I’m glad I did. After a month of taking them he actually said he didn’t need them anymore cos he was feeling ok! Of course I got another prescription for him. He would never have taken them in any other circumstances but these were desperate times. He’s been on them a few months now and the GP agreed with me that he needed them. Your dad just needs to d0 whatever he has to do to get through this.

You are very young and this is a lot to deal with. I’m 50 and this is still a lot to deal with! My hubby likes me nagging him to eat and drink but a daughter is very different to a wife.

I don’t know what your finances are like but you mentioned the food bill. I worked for DWP for 28 years so if I can help in anyway then I will. ESA and PIP is available but getting help with the forms is a must. 

The others have explained why it can be grim in the 2 weeks after treatment finishes. It’s just the fact that side effects are at their worst and there’s no more daily visits to the hospital. As long as he has enough pain relief and dressings for the burns then he will be fine.

Asking for help is difficult but you will all need help. We have our own Macmillan nurse who comes t0 the house, as well as the district nurses. I’ve had to ask for all of this of course. 

Don’t forget you are doing an amazing job for someone so young and we are all here to help you. We all have a lot more experience with life (we’re old bu**ers) so hopefully we can help and advise.

How old is your dad? My hubby is 57 so I feel he is still very young.

Everyone is giving you great advice and you will do this. Please shout up hen you are struggling and we'll all be here with a boat load of support and advice xxx

"Thankyou everyone hopefully I can try and bring him back to normality these next few weeks with recovery, I bought him the x-files complete dvd series so that's something to keep us occupied, I don't think either of us can watch another episode of 24 without it driving us crazy"

That's just reminded me.

The weeks before I found out anything wrong with me we were watching the House box set

For some reason I didn't feel like watching it anymore when I knew I was going in to hospital

I'll have to get it out again now I'm a lot better.

Thankyou so much Sharon, it's alot to take on but I think I'll process it after it's over properly. Unfortunatly in this situation me and my dad's partner are the only ones who's are able to care for my dad, so alot of pressure has been put on me but because of that I'm in a much more practical mindset rather than an emotional one, my little sister was upset about it the other day and I took her out for the day to lush and got some smellies, my sister has been an onlooker to the situation I've been doing my best to keep the pain to a limited crowd there's no need for her to feel any pressure if I can take it first.

As for finances we've always been breadline, as a single dad he couldn't easily claim child support from my mum and he didn't want to anyway, he wanted to look after us off his own back. Hes a self employed gardener, me and my dads partner have made sure dad doesn't have to worry about bills and stuff, I've used my student loan to get this far. He's 48 so really quite young, it was a shock to us all. I think the toughest part is my blood family from my dad's side is literally limited to my dad, when he got sick I had no one to tell, its only me and my sister.

My dad's partners been a blessing more than I can put into words I couldn't have done this alone and I'll always be grateful for her help, we're all nearly there now, he loves fishing, he said once he's well enough that's the first thing he's gunna do. 

I don't want to blather on saying the same thing over but I can't describe how grateful I am to everyone who's helped me out here, its been a good place to educate myself and to reassure myself that everythings going smoothly, initially I found this site during a panic when dad was in pain, I wasn't sure I'd ever use it again but I'm so glad I did, thankyou all so much. 

Hi Acornette

Sounds like you have a great Dad and he an equally fantastic daughter!   He is very young to have this and you to have to deal with it all.  My own daughters were great support to us during and after treatment.  Take each day as it comes and remember there is light at the end of the tunnel - as many on here can confirm!  

B

Hi

Your dad is going through the worst part now and hopefully will soon be feeling a bit better.  iIt does take a while to get back to full strength and everyone is different but being young should be on his side. 

This is certainly the place to get help and support, glad you have found us.  I am now over 6 years past my treatment for base of tongue cancer.

You should speak to Macmillan about some financial help, they have special people who deal with  this, it should not fall onto you to use your student loan.

You sound like a very caring person but it is important to make sure you take care of yourself too.  You are doing a brilliantly and I am sure your dad is very grateful even though he may not be able to show it due to the pain and fatigue.

Take care

I'm lucky to have my dad's partner to share the workload with so far I've done three weeks and so has she, I'll do two weeks into post treatment. Some days he's really strong if he's mentally driven and surprisingly he's in that mindset now. I think he's comforted by an end to it, he's been so sleepy I reckon he'll just sleep for days. I have done what's needed to be I was working a weekend job and going to university full time, so I quit my job to free up room for dad, but I should be able to pick that back up as soon as he recovers a bit. 

You're doing so well all of you.

Do take up the suggestions of financial help/advice if you feel you need it - some.of us have.

I don't know whether you have a dedicated head and neck nurse or Macmillan nurse that you can contact?  If not, it would be an idea to get a contact number for someone in case you need to in those few weeks after treatment.  It was certainly helpful when we were caring for my father in law and in my case too.  

And of course we're always here too.

Linda x

I think we have a district nurse that helped show us how to clean and dress the PEG properly but I don't think we have an assigned macmillian nurse. 

I've got the macmillian phone numbers for talking but that's about it, obviously if things are going very badly I'll call an ambulance. 

I'm sure my dad has a contact number for a nurse somewhere but I'll have to sift through his mountain paperwork to find it, thank you so much again 

Presumably it's your dad's last day of treatment tomorrow so if you havn't got a contact number/can't find one may be think about asking for one tomorrow.  One less thing to worry about if you need to contact anyone.

Linda x

Penrod

We watched New Amsterdam on Amazon Prime over the period that my husband was being diagnosed with SCC BoT (so when he was having CAT / PET scans, biopsies, threatened with neck dissection/tonsillectomy etc) Spoiler alert - one of the main characters has throat cancer. My husband actually found it therapeutic and informative watching the chemo/radio process unfolding over the weeks! I would recommend it especially series 1. 

We've got all the James Bond films and he's gradually working through them in chronological order. We're still on the Roger Moore phase and most of them are dire, so outdated  :-)