Another unexpected issue, last week of treatment

Feel for you so much but I'm very much afraid I put my family through the same thing; my girls were convinced I was going to die and my son (youngest child,17 at the time) was a basket case because I wasn't the "alpha male" sorting everyone's problems for them anymore.

I wouldn't go as far as saying it's "normal" but it's very much a possibility and not uncommon. I think all you can do is wait for it to pass sadly (which it will) unless you can get him to acknowledge it and see his GP and get him some anti depressants or counselling. Wish you all the best.

Hi acornette

I presume you’re dad is having radiotherapy?

its a really tough treatment and he will be in a lot of pain if he’s not on top of the analgesia. Add to that the fact that he can’t eat and will probably feel in despair at it all. I had six weeks of RT and by the penultimate week I had had enough. How I got through the last week I’ll never know. Then follows another two weeks when the RT continues to work but you don’t have the daily support of the team at the hospital. No wonder patients get depressed. All you can do is care for him as best you can. Life will get better. I’m a year on now and nobody would know there had ever been anything wrong with me. Tell him he’s nearly there and life will return. Love him and cuddle him and give him a gentle nudge in the right direction now and then. If you have any particular concerns about aspects of his care ask away. There are lots of people with help just itching to pitch in 

Hi Acornette, as the other guys have said it just how the side effects affect us and how we make them easier to cope with, some of us go into a protective shell as its there way of coping. I always say cancer takes some parts of our personality away and can make us a different person than before. Tiredness, fatigue , depression, loss of appetite are all quite common but in most instances, they slowly get better except for depression as that needs the help of a councillor or antidepressants which is nothing to be embarrassed about, it does help. Maybe have a word with his dietician to see what they can suggest, its a shame your Dad is going through this bad patch but it will improve as us lot can vouch for, well done to you both in looking after him he does appreciate what you are doing and will show it when he is feeling better. Big hugs to you all, take care.

                                                                 Chris x

He's had 6 weeks of radiotherapy along with chemo once a week. I'm just worried for his mental welfare as well as his physical, I understood he would get sick and it would get quite intense, there were never any warnings about this though, since Thursday he just won't eat and its been a rapid decline since then, I just hope after this last week, we can help him recover, he's unbearably tired which is understandable but I never expected him to give up like this, it sucks to not be able to ease any of that pain, but hopefully as you said I can try to comfort him as best as I can, I'm not ready to give up yet and maybe I can get that energy back into him with some effort. 

GP to address the depression me thinks 

Hang on in there. 

Oh Acornette I'm so sorry to read your post about your dad.

You've had some great replies so far but please do check that your dad is getting adequate pain relief.  

You don't mention whether he has a PEG or NG tube fitted or has he just been eating normally?

I'm very grateful for all the replies, its helped me to carry on pushing with the hope that this will get better, yes he has a PEG fitted but he's refusing to use it, it's heartbreaking because he's scared to death of the thing both me and my dads partner have been doing our best to encourage it but he doesn't wanna hear it, today his chemo nurse also encouraged it do hopefully he'll take that advice from the professionals. He was very determined and hopeful he would try to eat throughout this process and I think he feels defeated if he uses it, but he's gotta do what's he's gotta do to survive, I think they are having to refit his radiotherapy mask because he's lost so much weight, I looked after him for two weeks a couple weeks ago he was eating 4 big healthy meals a day, I spent over £200 on food for him whilst I was looking after him and he still lost 7 pounds in them 2 weeks so can't imagine his weight loss if he's not managing to eat anything at all. Hopefully he'll use his tube. 

That's great that your dad has been so determined to continue eating.  However, if he is now at the point where he can no longer do so then he must take some nutrition through the PEG.  It's not a matter of being defeatist but as you say you have to do what you have to do to survive. 

My father in law had mouth cancer and was at an age where he couldn't understand how to use his PEG.  He moved in with us so we could care for him and we administered all his nutrition and meds etc for him through his PEG.  Maybe that's something you and the family could assist your dad with? 

I really wish you all the best.

Ah unfortunatly it's not a matter of him not understanding how to use it, it's straight up not wanting to do so, of course I would help feed him through his tube if he let me anywhere near it. Throughout this whole process it's not the treatment that's scared him the most, it's his PEG. he was in A&E 18 hours the day it was fitted, he was adamant on having it taken out but luckily a mixture of the pain dying down as us begging him to keep it in worked, apart from reluctantly cleaning it everyday he wants nothing more than to have it out. The tube has hindered his sleep, made him cry and just overall stressed him out, he hates it so much. He's been so determined to eat despite the taste of food because he doesn't want to use his PEG, i can understand his reluctancy and how difficult it is for him, but I also won't sit here and watch him starve we've all got this far and I'm hopeful with the nurses advice today he will use it. Thankyou for the advice though, my dad is stubborn in nature and always has been, so I suppose that part of him is still fighting on 

Thank heavens the nursing staff are getting involved as well. The more protein he gets inside him the better he will cope and the faster he will heal. It’s a pity they can’t threaten to hospitalise him or even actually do it. 
He’s his own man and he might just have to go his own way after all. 
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