New Here, eating advice please

Hi Moonshine, feeling for your Mum, I have had same cancer but fortunately I didn't have eating issues but certainly lost a lot of weight during treatment, perhaps the following Audio book may help, if you want it in booklet form then just go onto the main site or contact the 0800 number below

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/audiobooks/the-building-up-diet

Hope everything comes together for all of you, Take care, Tony

Thank you for your response Tony, I appreciate it and will certainly have a listen. It's just so hard watching someone you care for wasting away. One of the problems she has is coming to terms with not being able to eat what she used to because of the stent. She's also not a fan of pasta, rice, porridge etc which would help. I hope you're doing okay.

Hi- one of the most popular way is to blend everything, I must have sauces with all my food whether gravy or any other favourite sauce, I have difficulty sometimes with bread and toast if it's only lightley toasted (which appears to be the rage theses days in cafes !)

Unfortunately it is trial and error but the main ingrediant is plenty of fats ie full fat everything - I still can't stop haveing cream on my morning weetabix along with banana

Just hope she starts to change her likes, as I say it is difficult to start

Tony

We & her dietician have advised everything that you've said. She just doesn't seem to want to change or be open to new things which is a real shame. All we can do is remain positive and be encouraging. Thanks again for your advice. 

Hi Moonshine

My widowed 91-year-old Mum was diagnosed with the same cancer in January and all they could do was fit a stent. She, too, has always been fiercely independent and led a very active social life. I've moved in with her since she was diagnosed, pending a care package being put in place - I actually live an hour away. 

I've done all the things you're trying to help her with the eating - blenders, ready meals, fortified drinks etc. I'm here all the time at the moment and I still can't persuade her to eat much - so I wouldn't worry too much about not being on hand to help encourage your own Mum. Sometimes it's just an impossible task. 

Since the stent was fitted, it's as if Mum's lost confidence with eating at all. She certainly doesn't have an appetite or enjoy eating any more - it's almost like an extra type of medication she's forcing down herself. I've managed to source some protein ice cream they use in hospitals which is a fallback when she's refusing anything. 

The upshot is that she's now severely lacking in energy - the slightest exertion like trying the stairs makes her feel breathless or sick. The idea of getting out of bed is overwhelming for her - which is such a shame as she doesn't want her friends to visit when she's in bed. I've got a stairlift engineer coming next week to see what's viable in the hope that will boost her mood, mobility and opportunities. So I'm pleased to hear your Mum still gets out and about. Long may it last.

I just wanted to let you know you're not on your own with this awful situation.

Hi Livia,

Thank you for your response and kind words and I'm sorry to hear that you to are going through this. 

Unfortunately for one reason or another I am not in a position to move in with Mum, although I have thought about it. She lives in a 1 bedroom flat for the over 55s and thankfully there is a warden on site and a care alarm system in place. I have managed to arrange a cleaner once a week along with other financial support, which she was resistant to, but now very grateful for. Little steps seem to work best at present. 

Knowing other people are going through a similar thing and are willing to listen and support is really helpful. Thank you again and I hope that you find a way forward that works for you and your Mum. 

Hi Moonshine

You sound as if you're doing everything you possibly can, so well done. I'm sure your Mum really appreciates it. It must be reassuring to know there's a warden on site and a care alarm system. I'm in the process of organising a three-day-a week care package for Mum so that I can go home and revive my ailing business (I'm self-employed and there's only so much I can do from here while balancing care duties).

It's taken a while for me to give myself 'permission' to do this - you feel so guilty and selfish - but the hospice nurses have helped put me straight on a few things: I'm not much use to Mum if I don't look after myself and have a break (and earn some money!) So don't beat yourself up over not moving in with her. 

Also, I'm finding that Mum reacts much more positively to advice from the professionals than she does to me. I either let her off entirely with things like refusing to eat or she gets frustrated with me. It's harder for her to say 'no' to people from outside. 

As you say, little steps and gentle persuasion are the best approach. 

For general advice about the dilemmas and struggles of being a carer, I can recommend the Carers Only forum on here.

Good luck with everything.