No longer treating to cure my Dad

Hi Stacey 

I’m so sorry to hear this and the timings with your pregnancy. In a similar situation with my mum - she’s 59 and I’m 32 - after one week of symptoms in July she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of gastro-oesophageal cancer in August. We didn’t see this coming either and it has hit my family like a tidal wave. She is palliative (cancer had already spread to her liver at the time of diagnosis) and hasn’t managed to complete one round of chemo yet as we ran into complications from the start. The timescales are the same as for your father. 

We are just taking things a day at a time and spending as much time as possible with mum. Daily crying is the norm! Luckily I’m off work which is one less stress. Cancer really is the absolute worst. This is our first experience of cancer as a family and we’ve had nothing go our way so far. I haven’t personally reached out for any counselling support yet but I think there is support out there - plus our local hospice have been helpful. 

Sorry this hasn’t answered your questions but you’re not alone in feeling like this! Sending love and hugs xx 

Hey Emma,

Thank you so much for messaging. When you are going through something this awful you really do feel like you are totally alone. People tell you how sorry they are and how awful it must be but no one can truly understand the pain. I’m so sorry you are going through the same thing. 

I spend a lot of my days researching and reading stories from people with a similar diagnosis in forums. It helps me realise that you can’t apply each case directly to statistics. I’m trying to cling on to hope, although that does seem to fade each day. My dad started radiotherapy yesterday to try to ease his symptoms but the specialist has advised I wait to see him until the course has ended due to pregnancy. That means I won’t see him for a week. 

i find out the gender of the baby next week, we have a feeling it’s a girl, we are going to call her Hope. I can only pray he gets to meet her. He’s a wonderful man and I could never have wished for a better grandfather for my first child. My work are great, I still work full time as sometimes it’s a welcome distraction but they let me finish early whenever I need to do and have paid for me to have talking therapy

sending all my love to you, your family and your mum. I guess we have to try to be strong now, we don’t have much other choice

Stacey xxx

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can relate to you experience, I was around 4 months pregnant when my dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. I was completely broken, every time I thought that he might not meet my little girl I just cried and cried. I asked my midwife if all my crying would impact the baby and she said it wouldn’t thankfully. I love that you have chosen the name Hope for a girl, honestly that is what got me through - hope. It was always a huge goal for my dad to meet my little one, it really motivated him with his chemo. I tried not to imagine a world where he didn’t meet her because it was so painful to even think about but I made sure that I spoke to my bump loads about my dad and I reassured my dad that there was no way his granddaughter wouldn’t know him because I would tell her all about him!

On a massive positive note, my dad met my daughter and is still here now and she is nearly 2. His cancer is incurable but there is definitely hope! I’m so sorry I don’t have any tips for you, just wanted to say you are not alone and your feelings are completely valid! My inbox is always open, feel free to send me a friend request if you fancy a rant or a chat. Emotions are heightened and it is so hard but try and take it one day at a time.

Sending love, look after yourself x

Thank you so much for your message. I have not had the best day today but your words brought me great comfort and hope. I am so happy your dad got to meet his granddaughter, he seems to be doing so well. It can be easy to spend too much time on the internet can’t it. You read scary statistics but I’m trying to think now that you can’t apply them to every individual. This forum honestly has been more helpful than anything I’ve googled.

if you ever need to talk too please do message me. It’s easy to feel so alone sometimes, people say they understand but you don’t think they possibly can. Sending all my love to you and your family xx

Hi Stacey, I'm so sorry to hear about this terribly painful and shattering situation. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 EC, incurable the week after our daughter announced her 1st pregnancy. We decided to make it a goal for him to be able to hold his granddaughter and we tried to focus on our daughter's well-being and not allow the ugliness of cancer to overshadow everything. Our beautiful granddaughter was born on 10 June 2022. She is now over 4 months old and my husband is still very much here. Every day is precious. Your baby and your Dad need you to be strong. You will find that strength from somewhere. Tears are part of all that. Let them roll. They are just outward signs of love. Reach out for support if you need it. Grab sleep whenever you can get it (really important). Know that you are not alone and that there are people around who understand what you are going through. Sending positive vibes to lift and support you through all of this.

Martha