Just diagnosed with oesophagul cancer

Hi, I am so sorry that you are going through this. How old are your children? My husband was diagnosed in Nov'21 and we dreaded telling our 15 year old daughter. She's very sensitive and suffers with anxiety. We waited until all the tests had been completed and we knew the staging and treatment plan before telling her. To our amazement she took everything in her stride. I think because my husband and I were so positive she found it easier. It is heart breaking that your children have lost their father. Did they get any support / counselling for their loss? If they did, maybe they could help you tell them. Stay positive. Di x

I'm still feeling great in myself, thank you. And can I say how sorry I am for you and your husband with a young daughter to tell such news to. My *children* are 51,  50  and 47, and I know my younger son will take it in his stride, as he has the  same outlook on life as me, but my daughter, the youngest, is a worrier and we are very close I am glad to say, altho' that makes telling her more difficult.  My eldest son became a father later in life and he has two little ones, a boy aged 2 and a little girl of 6 months, after thinking he could not have children, so a lovely surprise for me to become a granny again!  He is getting married in May, so not the best of news to give him as I am making the cake and looking after the children while they are on honeymoon.

No, as far as I know, they didn't get councelling. and they had a torrid time with their fathers illness, younger son in particular, who ran his step mother and his dad backwards and forwards to Addenbrooks, hosoice ets, only to find out his wife requested not to be told of his death if it was after ten at night, so my son had the call. She wouldn't hold a funeral for him, he was cremated without my children knowing when and where,  and they have no idea where his ashes are, so you can appreciate I am reluctant to upset them. I think I will do as you did and wait till I have a prognosis of how long I have left before I tell them.

Carol

Carol, I am so sorry that your children have had such a hard time with their step mum making decision that excluded them. It's hard enough losing someone, but then not have the closure of a funeral to say goodbye is heart breaking. I can understand your desire not to upset them after all that they have already been through and as their Mum you want to protect them, but they will want to support you. At times like these I believe that people find an inner strength they didn't know that they had. It's lovely for you and your eldest son that he now has the family he wished for and the timing of your news isn't great, but then there is never a good time for news like this. There are so many positive stories on here where people have been told the worst, but after treatment things have got a lot better. So keep that positive, happy personality. Di x 

Thank you Di for your kind response. How is your husband getting on with his treatment, and how are you coping with it?  My husband is in denial, and doesn't want to talk about it at all, is this normal do you think?

Carolo

My husband is doing well, thank you for asking. He has his 2nd chemo this Thursday, so far the side effects haven't been too bad. He's normally a very positive person and doesn't tend to worry. He's approaching this with the same attitude. I'm the worrier and over thinker. When we first heard I went to pieces. I felt I had to keep all my worries to myself. During that time it was hard to talk to him about it as I didn't want to cry in front of him. But once the shock had worn off I became really positive and happy to talk to him about anything. Perhaps your husband is still in the shock stage. The worst thing was waiting for all the test results to come back, you just feel in limbo. I have to know everything and have done a lot of reading, but my husband doesn't want to look into anything and so relies on what the Drs and I tell him. I'm the one at the appointments asking all the questions. It sounds like everything has happened so fast for you, maybe your husband needs just a little but of time for everything to sink in. Di x

Hello Little Miss Sunshine 

Welcome to the forum, I am pleased that you have reached out here, it is a great place to release some of your own feelings and also to get help and support. 

I am sorry to hear of your recentl diagnosis, and I hope you get positive news after the biopsy today..  Radio and Chemo on Wednesday, Wow, as  you say , it's aso much happening, but that is great, because the sooner the treatment starts the quicker you may find yourself healing. 

I have a Link HERE for you which may give further advices to that which others have already given, in regards to telling your children

I do hope it helps, and wish you every success with the treatment 

Lowe'

Hi Loweldal,

Thank you for your message, I was actually reading it when I had the result of my lung fibroscopy, apparently my lungs are clear so no biopsy. It was not a procedure I ever want to repeat!

I am actually being treated in France, and everything seems to move very quickly, and you get the results of procedures on the same day you have them. I am booked in with chemotherapy on wednesday 2nd and with radiotherapy on the 8th. I am not sure if this is to discuss or start!

I am so glad to read in your blog  that Dai is progressing so well, it must be a big releif to you.  I will wait until after  my appoinments and hopefully I can tell my family it isn't all bad news.  I am feeling so well that I find it difficult to believe anything is wrong, apart from the fact I can't swallow much, but I am still not losing weight, which would have been a bonus!