My dad was diagnosed with advanced oesophageal cancer on the 11th May 2021 (we where told 1st of all that it was stomach cancer). None of us knew what to expect, we where scared to ask.
For my dad it started out with him having a sore back, just beside his left shoulder blade. We thought nothing of it bacuse my dad had problems with his back in the past due to an accident he had at work around 10 years ago. My dad continued on through the pain, which was bareable, he said with muscle rubs and paracetamol.
The pain in his back continued on for a few months and then he started to lose his voice around September 2020. Again, we never though much of it because my dad was prone to taking laryngitis around the same time every year. But this time it never went away. My mum started to get worried and mentioned to my dad that he might have cancer after watching a few ads on TV but again it was brushed aside because we all thought, no, this couldn't be possible, it couldn't happen to us.
This takes us into April 2021. All of a sudden my dad couldn't keep his food down. We got in touch with our local doctor on call and they got my dad taken into A&E to get checked out. They sent him home a few hours later around 5am in the morning, with tablets (that he couldn't swallow) stating that it was just acid reflux.
Things gradually got worse with the swallowing and the pain in the back and my dad was admitted to Antrim Area Hospital on the 29th April. He spent the first 10-12 dad's on his own because of the no visitor rule due to covid. Still at this point we thought he was taken in because of the acid reflux but then my mum and myself got a text from my dad on the 11th May, saying that the doctors think he might have stomach cancer. This was the day our lives changed forever. I know we just got the news that everyone dreads but what angered me the most was that my dad was told this on his own without anyone by his side. Then it was confirmed by the doctors a few days later. By this time the restrictions where lifted and I finally got to see dad. We where full of hope, we promised that the 3 of us would stay strong and fight it together. Then a few days later I got a phone call from a doctor to tell me that after a few more tests, they found that my dad's cancer had spread and although that it wasn't cureable, they could still treat it. I thought along with my mum that atleast that's a good bit of news, we can keep this at bay and have my dad home and back to normal (this, I now know was pure ignorance on our behalf). My dad got home for around 2/3 weeks with a stent in place to help with his swallowing but this didn't work at all. In the 2/3 weeks that my dad was home, he had numerous appoinmnts with doctors and oncologists etc.
My dad received one dose of chemotherapy treatment and thats when things really went down hill. The swallowing got more difficult and he couldn't swallow his treatment tablets (which had to be crushed and dissolved). I went up with my dad to the Cancer Centre in Belfast (end of July) and left him there on his own, because of the restrictions, once again. This is where things become a blur but mome
nts that will stay in head forever. Once my dad was admitted to the Cancer Centre he never got home again. My dad spent all of August in the centre where he started to get a lot worse. Dad started to get very weak and needed help all the time, I helped him shower and cut his hair, it's all I could do, I felt useless. After many procedures and scans in the centre my dad was taken into the Macmillan unit in Antrim. The doctors told my dad, mum and me that they'd recommed a short stay to get dad built up again to get home. But as I said above this never happened.yum and me visited my dad every day. His voice got way worse to the point where my mum and I couldn't make him out even when we where sitting beside him. Even the mobile calls stopped. I can't remember what my dad sounds like whilst I'm sitting here typing this, I haven't been able to for a while now and it scares me that I never will again.
When dad was in the Macmillan Unit, we couldn't of asked for more. The staff where phenomenonal.
Even though I was going back and fourth to the Unit I still had the ignorance about me to believe that dad would be home soon.
One night after 3 weeks or so in the Unit my dad's doctor took me into the relatives room and told me the news I was dreading, my had only had a few months left but I was looking more likely to be a
t he lower end of the scale, I was numb, I couldn't tell my dad as he didn't want to know anything, he wanted to take it one day at a time. I walked out of that room and into my dad's with the fakest smile ever and tried to act normal. Telling my mum on the waybhome was one of the hardest things I'd done in life up until that point. This was on a Friday night.
The next Tuesday I got a call asking us to come up early to talk about my dad's meds. We got up, and my mum and I where taken into that room again. I could tell by the doctors face that it wasn't to do with dad's meds. She told us that things had changed over the weekend and in the kindest way possible that my dad only had a few weeks left. The 3 of us left the room and went back into my dad. He looked at us and he knew. He gathered all he could and asked the doctor, "am I dying"? She told him that they'd noticed him getting weaker. My heart sunk, I just sat there, couldn't move, I didn't even go and comfort him. My mum and I stayed with dad on the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thorsday, he passed away on the Friday night at 10.06pm.
I've just realized how long this post is. I doubt it will help anyone but I just had to talk about it, get it out as I can't burden this close to me.
Please forgive my spelling and grammar if it doesn't make sense at times, the tears are in full flow typing this and it's not even half of what we went through during it all.
Thank you for taking time to read. 
Hello Mark
Thank you for taking the time to write and share the experience you all had during the time of your Dad being ill and prior to that also. I wanted to offer my condolences and also point you in the direction of an additonal Forum if you have not found it already. It is Bereaved Family and Friends where you will find others who are going through their own emotions of loss and grief, who will offer support and who I am sure you can offer support to.
I do hope you will drop in there and share your story again.
Sending strength
Lowe'
