Hi,
So I posted a month ago about my father, who was diagnosed with Oesophageal Cancer at Stage 4, with metastasis to his lungs and liver. It has now spread to his bones, resulting in a broken back, and the hospital are now looking to have a CT scan of his brain done tonight to look for any abnormalities cancer-related due to a very sudden, very severe overall decline.
I knew that we would not likely have long, but this is hitting hard and fast. I hate to admit I need support, as my father needs support more than anyone else right now, but I'm scared for both myself and him.
Since my previous post, he is now permanently in hospital and has not been able to leave since his admission maybe about 3 or 3 and a half weeks ago. I fear it is unlikely he will get better. My dad is now no longer eating or drinking at all, not talking or communicating, is often laying in his hospital bed with his eyes rolling upwards and rolling around the room. He is no longer verbal either with myself and family or staff on his word. They have started him on 3 different antibiotics in case he is suffering from infection (maybe from his liver, was the impression I got, since his liver function has further declined and he appears to have abdominal pain) and aside from this, can only be made comfortable.
The doctor I spoke to said usually they would move a patient in this way that is not responding to antibiotics to ICU, but under the circumstances and given my dad's diagnoses, they will not do this in my dad's case. Instead it will be a case of keeping him comfortable.
I will continue to be there to support my dad, even if only now all I can do is continue to visit and sit by his bedside. And apologies for the morose subject. But does anyone have any advice about what I should be doing for myself to process this and look after myself? It's all hitting me rather hard and I've been feeling extremely low. I cannot seem to help feeling guilty, or extremely critical of myself and my thought process. I am struggling to hold myself together.
Sending heartfelt sympathy to you in this horrible situation. My husband is 7 months post op and doing well but the spectre of recurrence is always hiding in the background. There are others here who will be able to give you more practical support and information but as a thought …. has hospice care been suggested at all? Just thinking that it might be a more calming annd nurturing environment than hospital for your Dad and also for you. Have you reached out to MacMillan or to the oncology team for support for yourself? You are there for your Dad and that is a wonderful thing. Sending love.
Geraldine 
