afternoon you lovelies, so long day yesterday, had an hour with claire the counsellor at the maggies centre churchill before going to see bruno my surgeon. that was an hour well spent, claire made me feel i wasnt going mad, and i actually didnt cry,
bruno was a happy bunny about the results. all 11 nodes they took after the oesophagectomy on the 8th were clear, and the little shite wasnt showing any where else. i had some chest symptons that was panicking me, when he explained they had stretched my ribs, deflated the lung, tightly tied the ribs back up, then that explained soreness on left side, and weird movement of ribs, also breathing issues. he checked the wound, and listened to my chest, and still happy. had chest xray before i left.
looking at next step eating grown up food, thats next on the to do list, and will hear from stoke mandeville regarding staring immunetherapy treatment, and if i feel up to doing an emergency stop, i can start driving again. so much to take in, still hasnt really sunk in this thumbs up regarding this little shite of the cancer. didnt celebrate, was a weight off, of course, but still so sad that some of our lovely family that gave so much comfort and advice, may now no longer be with us, which makes me feel guilty. Under no doubt that i still will be on alert, but i genuinely think it hasnt sunk in, just feel numb, except the flippin soreness and discomfort deffo keeping me on my toes.
emotional roller coaster on all aspects, physically, mentally, will start with the whole food thing when hubs away for the next few days on his works conference. May do us some good to have time off/apart from this current rollercoaster , have changed dumping to fly tipping, made me smile a little bit got a new pad ready to start trial and error. just feel sad quiet and a bit numb today, is this normal?, just feels so much to do with the food side, he did say i will lose more weight so dont use the scales to judge my recovery, use how i feel, in myself, and what i can do. Definately not going by looks although Bruno and Anne the lovely nurse did say i looked well!, christ how bad are the people they saw before me, feel anything but. Just a question, keep waking up in almost a cold sweat, nice and damp, i currently only sleep on my back one position wedged in the V pillow, any one else experience this x
thank you for listening, a very quiet, subdued Jules xx
Good to hear from you Jules and great that things are much more positive. Absolutely put yourself first and prioritise managing to eat a little. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself …. take it slow. I’ll be asking for help from you and others when my husband hopefully gets to this point 
Virtual hugs.
geraldine xx
Bet it feels good to lose the PICC and JEJ
Chris looking forward to losing his before too long. He’s not doing badly …. neuropathy is worse but we were prepared for it. The side effects and aching from the injections have been the worst …. finished the last one now thank goodness. F2F with oncologist at Taunton on Monday and cycle 4 on Thursday.
Hope you’ve seen the last of the horse tablets …. horrid to swallow them at the best of times.
G xx
hope meeting with oncology goes well x
