Hello all,not sure how I’ve found my way here but I’m grateful that I have.My only brother was diagnosed with glioblastoma back in April.He was living alone in New Zealand,had surgery there but decided to come home for treatment and support.He was given a year maximum so his 2 eldest sons went over to bring him home.They have a traumatic history but have stepped up for their Dad.
He and I were estranged for 21 years but reconnected just before the pandemic.He arrived at the beginning of June and had radiation/chemo within a week.It was decided that he would stay with me,even though I only have one bedroom.At first we coped well but his sons who live locally just cooled off and not only offered no support but became abusive toward me.We have always been close so this has been very painful.I burnt out and my Bro had some respite care which he hated.He’s battled with alcoholism which complicates everything.He is now living with his eldest newly wed son.They have made life very difficult for me indeed.They allow my Bro to drink and go against all medical advice.Palliative care team are aware but as long as he has capacity there’s little they can do.How do I accept that my Bro wants to be irresponsible about his life?I nursed our Mum who he was never reconciled with 5 years ago.She died in just 20 weeks of stomach cancer.I know I’m still grieving her and my Bro has filled a void but I am obsessed with his welfare.Meanwhile I am going downhill mentally and physically.I feel so selfish writing about myself when he is dying.Thanks for listening xXx
Hi Oreo and welcome to the group. I care for my wife who has a GBM and we're now 15 months in. Thankfully she was able to have surgery and treatment so I guess she was "lucky" but we know that it will return sooner or later.
Gosh, it sounds like there's a lot going on in his situation without having a brain tumour to worry about as well. How is he physically and mentally? My wife has been impacted quite badly so managing day to day tasks can be difficult but I wasn't sure how self-sufficient your brother is?
Below is some text that I send to all newcomers to the group but in your case I would really encourage you to give Macmillan a call. They may have some advice on how best to handle the drinking. Is he still on treatment e.g. chemotherapy? Even if alcohol doesn't interfere with the drugs then I can't imagine how bad he's going to feel if he combines any treatment with heavy drinking. Having had to try and stop two close family members from drinking themselves to death it's a really tough one when trying to persuade someone who's got terminal cancer.
They may also have some advice and support for you. It sounds like he might well need you to support him so it's really important you look after yourself as well.
As I say, below are some links that may help you. And lastly please don't feel selfish for writing about yourself. If you were selfish you wouldn't care which you clearly do.
Sending a virtual hug,
Chris
There's lots of really useful information on the Macmillan site about different aspects of cancer so if you haven't already have a good browse and come back with any questions. I found it really helpful just reading through the threads in this group to see what others' experiences had been like. Although we are all looking after someone with, or suffer from, a GBM we all end up taking slightly different routes depending on how it progresses and local care provision.
When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may also benefit from joining our Carers only support group where you will connect with others navigating the same support challenges.
It’s always good to talk so please remember you can call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing. Or it may be as is the case for me that there are other local charities that can support you.
Hope some of this is useful and please do use this group to ask questions or just vent how you're feeling.
