Hi, trying hard to accept reality

Hi, my sister has recently been diagnosed at 53years. She’s going to attempt treatment but I think she has already to come terms with the prognosis. How do you accept it, cancer is sweeping through our family and I’m lost 

  • Hi, I’m so sorry your going through the same thing. My sister is also 53 and diagnosed and it’s something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.  She doesn’t even know that she is terminal. The tumour has affected her vision so she can’t read any information, and the family have felt it best she doesn’t know. The oncologist broke it down to her so they can get concent for treatment but again due to her type of tumour her memory is effected and she can’t remember. She just knows she has cancer but thinks she will get better.

    in terms of accepting it, I feel blank. Numb. I dnt know what to feel. To busy keeping up face for the sake of the kids and for her. She is happier thinking she will recover.  At times feel sick and scared. I dont know if that is what acceptance looks like.  

    wishing your sister and your family the best 

  • HI Dawn42

    a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about your sister's diagnosis. It's beyond cruel.

    My husband , then 50, was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma in early Sept 2020. He had surgery to debulk his tumour followed by 6 weeks of oral chemo/radiotherapy. He was offered a further 6 month course of oral chemo but he declined the option of any further treatment, a decision I have to respect.

    I can relate to the feeling lost. I felt totally helpless when he was first diagnosed - I still do to be honest. I felt totally useless but gradually you do gradually accept things. it's hard. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and I'll be honest, it is hard to watch someone you love go through this. Be led by what they want or need of you though. Don't assume. 

    Every tumour is different. Every person is unique so it impacts people differently. My husband's tumour affected his speech, language and understanding. Physically, nearly 19 months down the line, he's in great shape. He is a marathon runner and still runs around 70 miles a week. Mentally is a different story and he displays similar traits to someone with the early stages of dementia. I can see him slowly fading mentally and it's hard to watch, I'll not lie.

    This group  along with a few others including Family and friends forum - Macmillan Online Community has been a great source of support to me over the past year and a half. Friends and family are great but they don't always understand the emotions involved in this journey. Around here there's always someone who gets it, someone to listen and someone to offer that virtual hug when its needed.

    It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    If there are any questions I can help with, please just ask. For now though, stay strong, stay positive. I'm sending you a huge virtual hug too.

    love n hugs

    Wee me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm