Waiting but have a good idea it is cancer

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Hi I had a pain in my stomach but seemed like trapped wind as I was very stressed at the time. Fast forward to an ultrasound which showed a 1.3 lesion poorly differentiated with what looks like an inherent blood supply. All bloods good and not showing anything on ultrasound for pancreas abdominal aorta liver (few benign cysts) kidneys. 
sent for an mri urgent totally anxiety could not cope with having the contrast was so upset with myself over that but it was just too much. The radiologist said they got a lot of pictures. So since Grimacingst Friday I have been so poorly with stress and anxiety I have googled (I know Grimacing) I have pestered macmillan the doctor who did give me the ultrasound. Ended up in an and e with major panic attacks I also have atrial fibrillation. Sat here today waiting for the phone to ring absolutely terrified. I wasn’t going to post until I heard from the doctor but thought I wanted to be among people who have a similar experience x

  • I’m so sorry you are going through this. I probably can’t say anything to make you less stressed but try not to jump to conclusions and remember that nothing is definitive. There are options and successes for all scenarios. Is there anyone who could be with you? Having someone there may help as you can talk, or choose not to and they’ll understand. Also, having someone with you when talking to doctors really helps remember what was said, ask questions and then thinking about what other information would be good to have (but don’t Google it). When my mum was unwell, I spoke to the Macmillan team who were fantastic so do please consider that. With all best wishes x

  • Thank you. I am a big talker but it can be difficult with family can’t it as you don’t want to scare them. It definitely helps to hear there are options and fingers crossed this is very early but it does seem to be aggressive with being so small it’s only just over the 1cm but already has aggressive features and I think that’s what is frightening me. My mother in law and uncle dies very quickly after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and I think that’s where my brain is set. I really want to be positive as that’s what everyone says helps but I’m just a flipping mess. I’m usually the one who sorts everyone’s problems but I do have a very strong health phobia and feel frightened and so negative that’s worrying me it’s taking the fight out of me. My body is struggling with how much I’m stressing   I have rung the macmillan help line three times now and feel I am such a pain keep ringing thank

    ypu so much for your reply 

  • I do have a tendency t interfere but her goes! Macmillan will not see you as a pain. This is what they do and do so well. They will see you as someone who needs support at the moment and they have the expertise. If it's any comfort, I cried my way through every call with them, no idea if I made any sense yet they were kind and understannding. I do think you need someone to talk to to help you think. Please do call them.

    It's really hard waiting for news, and it's really hard always being the one offering support. But if you put yourself if the other person's shoes, I am sure you would want them to come to you when they felt afraid and alone.

    Nobody knows how they will react and there is definitely no right way to behave. Who wouldn't feel a 'flipping mess'? Don't put any additional pressure on yourself to do anything in any particular way. Be kind to yourself and think about what you would say to another person - then say it to yourself.

    I will be thinking of you x

  • We sound very similar:) thank you so much for your words it seems silly to say but I never even with the high rates of cancer thought I would be where I am now. I always thought it would be my heart. Golly gosh what a rollercoaster. That is such a good way to think how I would react to anyone. I hope what ever your reason for being part of this journey that you your friends and family are well x

  • Thank you. Yes, a rollercoaster and it certainly doesn't seem silly to say this is so unexpected - not one of us ever really believes it is coming our way x

  • Thank you for your replies. I feel I am part of a very kind and caring community x

  • Hi Sid, i am also stressed and full of anxiety, with little sleep. I have lost 5kg of weight in the last 3 months and have growing polyps in my gallbladder so will soon have surgery to have the gallbladder removed. I am concerned they will find cancer. When i need it, i take xanax, an anti-anxiety pill. Try to get a prescription for it and see, it will help you.

  • Hi Ricardo It is such a horrible out of control feeling isn’t it.  How were your polyps found? I am pleased you have something to help with the stress and anxiety I feel exactly the same and it’s exhausting. I will definitely ask my GP about the medication thank you. 

  • My polyps were found by ultrasound. Yes, the horrible feeling is like a weight on your shoulders that doesn't go away. I keep thinking about it constantly.

  • I just have the one found in ultrascan and it seems that is more likely to be a cancer. I have seen the report and it was a bit frightening with saying it can see differential cells and a blood supply which is why I do think mine is cancer. I hope you get your surgery very soon and are back to health quickly