Feeling so rubbisg

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I have had 4 treatments in 3 weeks and feel so rubbish.  Apart from the overwhelming fatigue and nausea which comes and goes now I just feel as if my body has taken such a battering that I'm finding it hard to cope with everything.  My emotions are all over the place and last week I started cycle 2 which was chemo and antibodies.  If I could have done I would have run away but my husband took me to the hospital instead of Blackpool!!  I wouldn't have not gone really but I just couldn't face another treatment and the chemo was hard this time.  I hate feeling like this and know that there are others out there who are so much worse off than I am but I am really struggling.  Any advice would be gratefully received.  I am on a 4 week break now which is wonderful and will hopefully give me time to recover both physically and mentally.  After that it will be every 3 weeks for cycles 3-8s

  • Ah  sorry to hear that you are finding the journey rough....... there is no magic words that can fix this for you. I did ok during my main chemo but my Stem Cell Transplants were a different story.... when my head was going down my wife kept reminding me why I was going through this........ yes it was for life, yes it was for her and yes it was for our daughters and 4 granddaughters.

    When I was ok-ish we would dream and make plans and kept a note of these in the back of my note-book...... we dreamt about what we would do post treatment....... 7+ years on we are regularly ticking these dreams off.

    As bad as this gets it's all about the greater good ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • I agree with you but at the moment I'm finding it so hard to look on the positive side even though I have a lot to look forward to, the biggest thing is that we will have all our family with us soon.  I have had complimentary therapies and will be having counselling tomorrow.  I don't know if I'm depressed but I certainly don't want medication.  I''m on enough of that at the moment.  I know things will improve but it's just so hard getting through things at the moment.

  • Agreed and as I said there is no magic wand for this apart from determination and a mind set that says that your cancer, treatment and side effects must not define you, you have to ‘try’ and focus on defining your way through and out the other end.

    We had a one day ‘pity me party’ rule in the family. This was for everyone in the family….. even as bad as things got for me my wife had just as bad a time so our rule was that the pity me party lasted until the following morning but when the sun came up so did our heads ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Trouble is I don't want pity, that's the last thing I want.  It is so not like me to be so down and I just want to feel better and look forward but at the moment I find it so difficult to think ahead.  I am a very determined person and strong normally and I know I will get over this bad time in time.  I have my choir on Wednesday which I am determined to get to and I have other things this week which will help so it's not all bad.  Thank you for your good advice and I'll let you know when I am back to my normal self, hopefully very soon!

  • It’s interesting that none of us got any pity we were just given space and left to get over the bump and looked for the new day. Great that you are part of choir, this is a great way to focus and good for your general well-being.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • I sing in 4 choirs!  Three are weekly and one is monthly.  Unfortunately after this week 3 of them will be on a summer break but 1 will carry on so that's good.  I love singing and it's good for body and soul so maybe on Wednesday I will get over this horrible feeling and get my mojo back.  Here's hoping.

  • I have played guitar for over 50 years and was not able to play for about 5 years due to bad Peripheral Neuropathy….. it was so frustrating as I played every day but also I played in a band so that had to stop for 5 years…… it can’t be overestimated how much living with cancer and being treated can effect our lives….. but we get through it Thumbsup

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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