Hi everyone,

We have started fertility treatment as that was an option as I am in the fortunate position surgery is an option which I know isn’t for a lot of you so I am so grateful.

I suppose my question is I keep hearing that we eventually find a position of strength and can face it all head on I was just wondering when this happened for you all? I got my diagnosis 21st dec and still feel so afraid and anxious and not strong at all - I don’t do well with doctors etc normally so I am aware that will be part of it. I just want to know is it normal I still feel this way?

I know I am making progress as I am managing to eat more and I feel hungry, not eating a huge amount but more than I had been and sleeping is still all over the place but is getting a bit better.

I know that there isn’t an exact answer but just looking to hear how you found it all.

Jen x

  • Hi  

    I’m sorry you haven’t had any replies yet-I have had some family issues myself this week so wasn’t around to respond.

    I think we are all very different in how we deal with this, but equally all feelings are valid and there is no right or wrong way to approach this. It depends on us as individuals. It’s hard trying to compare ourselves to others, and in the end that doesn’t really matter, as we each have to deal with this in our own way. But that doesn’t mean you have to be strong all of the time-it’s unrealistic to think that’s possible in my opinion. Your own anxiety will play a huge part for you I imagine.

    I’m older than you, and at my initial diagnosis I did face it head on- not to say I wasn’t frightened, but I didn’t cry, I just asked what can you do to help me? When my gynaecologist said they would treat me to cure me, I held onto that and told myself that every single day. I told myself every morning when I got up, I will be well, and I tried to take one day at a time and not look too far ahead. I didn’t catastrophise or imagine the worst case scenario. I don’t use the words “what if…”. 

    I accepted I couldn’t change my diagnosis, so knew that how I dealt with it would be critical. I accepted I would need chemoradiation, and took that one day at a time, mentally crossing off each day as I completed it. 

    When I was diagnosed with a recurrence just 9 months later, that was very hard, and did shake my world, so I did have a little wallow, but with the support of my partner who was and is very positive I got my head round it. Failed surgery was another huge blow and yes, then I did cry. Tears were rolling down my face in the recovery room when I was told it hadn’t worked, and it took time to pick myself back up from the crushing disappointment. 

    For me, I cannot live with constant negative thoughts as it’s too draining and makes me very anxious, so I decided to face the next thing with all I had as bigger surgery was offering me a chance not everyone is lucky enough to get. I chose to focus on that chance. I was scared, but I did deep breathing when I got anxious, mindfulness to stay in the moment and even had a full nights sleep before my operation.

    I am not positive and strong all the time, but I know that’s ok. No-one is. We all falter from time to time, but I did try my very best to keep a positive mindset and trust in my brilliant medical team. It’s ok to be worried and afraid, but it wasn’t good for my mental health to stay in that zone all the time.

    Can you try and focus on your positives? You are able to have fertility treatment and you are able to have surgery. It might not seem positive right now, but it really is with this cancer.  It’s also helpful to have positive support from those around you to encourage you.

    Sarah xx

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  • Hi Jen,

    I really hope all the best for your treatment! For me it kick me when I started the treatment and I had a daily routine. I found it much easier when I didn’t have to schedule my next appointment and I knew what I had to do in the day. I think you always have the fear of the unknown but it helped me that I had my family with me as it helped me to be strong for them to give them hope. 
    however, I wasn’t positive all the time in fact most of the times. When I had low mood I was trying to sleep to forget and not to be seen like that and I can tell you I slept all the time. 

    I think it is perfectly normal to feel that way. I think many times the way you feel is not the same to what others see in you. 


  • Hi Jen

    Initially  you can be up and down like a yoyo but at some point it does settle. I think it's hard to get your head round not being in control and being reliant on doctors especially if illness is new to you. I really struggled initially. My surgery was cancelled last minute and it seemed to jolt me into how much I needed treatment to get better. From then on all the hesitation and frustration disappeared and I felt calm. Even when I went down for my op I was quite chilled. We are all different but I still found the time of investigations and such to be the hardest.