Cervical cancer.Hospital phobia.

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Hello. 

I was referred in January on a 2 week wait to gynaecology for bleeding after sex and a vascular appearance. She did a smear in this appointment because I had never had one before (don’t start, I know, I have medical/hospital phobia and I’ve never been able to go. I’ve even had my two children at home). This smear came back with high grade dyskarosis hpv positive. 
they said I needed to have the LLETZ. I had to have this under general anaesthetic. When I say hospital phobia, I mean I physically shake, cry, hyperventilate and am generally a complete state (and nuisance, I am sure). They were great and got me in first in the list, put me in a side room. 
that was two weeks ago. I received a letter today to say that I am to come to the hospital on Monday because the biopsy showed changes that need ‘further attention’. With it being Friday, and me a complete mental case, I called them sobbing to ask if someone could please call me and tell me what is happening so I’m not spending all weekend waiting. 

they called back and said that it’s cancer. I need to have an MRI and CT scan. 
more hospital visits. I’m terrified of the hospital. Terrified of the scans. Terrified of the results. Terrified of any treatment I may need. 

I don’t know what I’m asking for here really. I just feel like I’d rather not be here to deal with all of this, I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I don’t know if I can mentally and physically stand any sort of long term treatment for it. 

I’m only 35. I have two young children. I don’t want them to watch me go through this. And possibly wither and die. 

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I'm not a member of this forum but I noticed that your post hadn't had any replies yet. Responding to you will 'bump' it back to the top of the discussion list again.

    Ahead of your upcoming scans it might be an idea to explain to your cancer nurse specialist (CNS) how frightening you find hospital appointments. You won't be the only person who has these fears and the hospital staff will want to make your visits as stress free as possible.

    ((hugs))

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     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • Thank you. The colposcopy nurse (who hopefully should be around tomorrow) already knows what a complete state I am. I’m just not sure how I’m ever going to cope with this - I am so frightened I feel sick and can’t eat.