Secondary breast to breast bone and spine

Hi JaneCM 

Welcome to the forum. It’s a great place to get support, as is our main Breast cancer forum which tends to be a bit busier than this one.

I am sorry you find yourself in the lovely stage 4 club and hope the other scans don’t reveal further bad news. I can also understand the difficulty of living with this whilst not distracting your son from his Masters exams. I well remember when I received my own ‘upgrade’ not wanting to tell my daughter because she was about to leave for a holiday in South America. Realistically there isn’t anything they can do but worry at this point. It will be a more constructive discussion once you know what your treatment plan is.

Which brings me round to the topic of living with stage 4 breast cancer. You don’t say what time you have, but there are lots of treatments these days, especially if your cancer is oestrogen driven. Many oncologists refer to it as living with chronic disease - many people live good and long lives with it. Even I, with harder to treat metastatic TNBC, have achieved a stable remission - I got my upgrade in 2022 a few months after my initial diagnosis. 

Wishing you all the best b

Hi, and thank you for such a supportive msg....it's good to know that although treatment can be difficult it can hold it arms length for quite a while...and I really appreciate your mention of your daughter in regard to not telling my son just now, that really helps because although I know thats best for hime I always promised the truth to him, so I am focusing on staying 'normal' on the phone and telling him just the right bits that it later doesn't qualify as 'lying', rather just not the whole 'truth' for a few more weeks!

Thank you so much and of course all best wishes to you too, its a crap club to find ourselves in but none the less a caring one!

Jane

Hi I’m new to this forum only joined today, I have breast/bone cancer diagnosed a couple of weeks ago , and now on hormone therapy and targeting drugs, I’m so frightened and worried I cannot sleep, eat or do daily things!!! My poor family are so supportive and I’m totally out of my depth any advice please

Hi Wendywoooo 

Welcome to the community. I am sorry you are needing to join us. The point just after diagnosis is really difficult - I do remember thinking I wouldn’t make it through another year when diagnosed with liver mets in 22 - but I am still here and living well. 

The old adage of taking it a day at a time is really all you can do. You need time to adjust to your diagnosis and treatment and to grieve the free future you previously had. You have an oestrogen driven cancer by the sound of it, and there are lots of treatments to hopefully keep you stable and relatively well. Do take care of wills, power of attorney and any other arrangements your family may need. It may seem morbid but once they are in place it’s another weight off your mind. 

Wishing you all the best. 

Hi JaneCM,

I hope you are coping ok with all the investigations and appointments this week. It's a dreadful time - the endless scans, appointments, questions, worry.

I haven't posted on this forum before. My cancer made a very unwelcome reappearance last summer when I learnt the tamoxifen was no longer working, my oestrogen levels were sky rocketing and mets appeared in my liver. I also have it in my neck and a spot on my lung. I went into free fall.

I have two boys - the eldest is the same age as your son. I am a single parent and have no other family. Knowing how to navigate those conversations with the boys was my number one concern, coupled with a sense of urgency to make sure they became functional, independent adults who would be able to manage life without a mum.... horrendous. I found it too much to try and manage those conversations whilst I was still in the throes of getting to grips with my new diagnosis and the new treatment regime. So I didn't tell them immediately. I needed to get my head straight first. 

I did of course tell them, eventually. But I went very slowly with what I revealed and when. I stuck to known facts - like "I will need a bit more treatment" (ok - I underplayed it....). Then moved to "you know I am now always going to be on treatment".... i have drip fed and it is now part of our normal conversation. I focus on all that is positive "yep, treatment is going well " - they see that I'm still working, still the same person. One day things will change again, but I'm hoping conversations get easier as it just becomes part of our everyday.

I absolutely would not have told one of my boys if he was completing finals or doing a thesis either. You can do that without lying. Just wait until you have all the facts you need and know exactly what the plan is moving forwards. 

This is of course just my experience, but hope it helps. Good luck with things this week. I really hope things get easier for you once you know the full plan. There is always a plan!!

Best wishes

oh my, what a wonderful msg, I will reply properly tomorrow but for now a huge thank you and best wishes to you....Jane